WHAT WILL IT BE?

 Today is a sunny and cold day in January… I sit here to write a post and frankly, there are no ideas floating in my headspace or, for that matter, in cyberspace. I look and listen to the sounds around me and these bring no help. I don’t know whether to write about a sometime ago memory from my past, like those memories which were the beginning of these posts, or to write about what is happening in this crazy world of ours …

 Sometime later in the day…

Hmmm… this attempt at writing a posting began some 8 hours ago and I can’t say it got very far. In fact, it got nowhere… 

So, what do you say to exploring an almost forgotten moment (probably an intentional subliminal erasure attempt) … London, spring 2002 or thereabouts. I had been there, stuck, for some three months. And when I say “stuck”, take it at face value. The transaction we had worked on and hoped would come about, failed to materialize like many others in this long, drawn out affair. I had just come out of a long stay in Portugal and was supposed to continue on, to come back home. As we (my wife had come to accompany me back home) were getting ready to leave, a phone call came in and it changed our (my) plans. A transaction we had been working on had come back to life, and someone (and since I was already there…) was needed in London to see it through.

It is easy to look back now and ask the questions that should have been asked then … Really? … Again?... Now? … What are the guarantees? At that moment there were several reasons, not all valid reasons, but reasons nonetheless not to ask these simple questions for, in giving and getting an honest answer, I would have fled; all the work and sacrifices would be shown to have been in vain. Somehow I was not ready for that unveiling just yet.

My wife went on home; I remained ensconced in a small hotel in the Kensington area; this has been talked about before, so it won’t be rehashed here (yes, one of the previous blogs, somewhere, deals with this stay). I will, instead, try to go further into the reasons. This is a topic which 20 or so years later, still bothers me. And, as said before in similar circumstances, writing has a cathartic effect sometimes…

Life is a tough, unforgiving master. It sees all and hides nothing. Nor will it allow one to hide anything under a rug; real or imaginary. Sooner or later, one must face the monster. In this case, said monster being a set of memories.

Wait … it is time to go get a glass of wine. These memories need some mental “grease” to squeeze through…

The decision to stay was pushed by several factors. We had come into this international financial world as “newcomers” a few years back. In the ensuing restrictions and pivotal changes following the 2001 Twin Tower attack in NYC, we lost everything. But there were still commitments we had to meet; from a legal standpoint (as was later supported) we had done all we had set out to do; the losses had been the consequences of events over which we had no control. But, at the time of the “stay in London call”, we were still very much obliged to explore all possibilities to make good on our commitments. And the bridge between myself and the possible solution(s) that might allow us to meet those commitments, was the voice on the other side of the call.

So, a badly thought-out decision was made, and I stayed back “to make things happen.” Except that the supposed other parts in this process did not have the same ideas.

Nothing happened (again) as far as the transaction which was ready to be “retaken and completed”. This left me stranded in London, not a lot of money in my pockets and without a way out. It became a several months stay; I got to know London very well, in a visceral kind of way. No tourist traps in that trip. Thanks to a friend in Canada who was able to send me some funds once in a while, I was able to survive.

That trip collected a very high personal toll. On several levels it was a repeat issue but, this time, it -along with some health issues brought on no doubt by the high level of continued stress- became the catalyst which forced me to begin the long and difficult road of facing the realities of the previous years. The wrong decisions and the cost of it all. Not only financial; the very real cost of having to re-start a personal life, away from all this and accepting that it had been -other than experiences gained- a waste of precious time but, most importantly and sadly, a waste of years in a relationship which had barely started when we embarked in this journey.  

Anyhow, a moment in time. Brought to you courtesy of a good 2017 Merlot … and several years of introspection and acceptance… 

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Censure. Why we cannot tolerate it.

 As those of you who have been with me since the beginning of this somewhat currently derailed journey know, my arrival in this country at age 15 was due to an abysmal change of fortune in my home country, Cuba. You also know I have mostly stayed away from politics in these posts. What happened there and the ensuing and ongoing disaster, can only be understood if you have lived through a forced transition like that.

Once the Castro govt. was fully in charge, then began the abuses and the intolerance to all who dared express an opinion not favorable to said government. Jail was the least of the problems, to this one had to add loss of jobs to your family, being publicly ostracized, beatings by random assailants, possible death once jailed, being forced out of your own home, and the list goes on.

Roll forward 60 years. We have just gone through a most shameful excuse for an election in this, our adopted country. Today (1/20/2021) a new president-non-elect was inaugurated. Someday, when real and straightforward historians look back on these times, the truth shall win out.

Today, we are living in an environment where all those issues mentioned in the above paragraph are present. Censure, ostracism, abuses by random people to anyone who might be of an opposing view, loss of jobs, calls by elected officials for harsh punishments if you do not agree with their government, etc. And these, BEFORE the government in question took over. If that has been the case, what awaits in our future?

A police-state? Where anyone who dares raise a discordant voice is to be silenced, no matter what? Where the rights of the individuals are to be totally trampled so as to satisfy the wants and needs of a group of megalomaniacs who control the major corporations managing our lives, and whose thirst for power and greed of money know no limits or restrictions?

The press openly restricted any and all news which might have been favorable to the prior president, or unfavorable to their favorite. Social media silenced all voices which spoke of a truth different than that fabricated one, parroted by their minions; so blatant was the censure that the sitting President of the country was effectively banned from these platforms. And those alternate platforms which allowed all voices to be heard, were forcibly silenced by those in control.

I have not seen this blatant abuse since Castro’s Cuba. I have not seen this unmitigated censorship since Castro’s Cuba, where all dissenting media (paper, tv and radio) was melded into one government-controlled platform. Ironically, over here there is no need to do this. That controlled platform already exists, for the vast majority of the so-called mainstream media is controlled by a handful of oligarchs who are the primary financial force behind this whole process. What they dictate the editing policy to be, is what it is. No one inside can dissent and keep their job. It has been shown already, except for a few commentators who have a huge following and, for now, can express an opinion not in accordance with their owners’ positions.

It is a sad commentary that a country founded on the precept of the individual as the bedrock of its system, and which has very successfully maintained that practice for over two centuries, is now on the brink of falling into an abyss under the guise of the “what is good for a majority, is good for all” lie. Especially when those few at the top have put themselves into a position of what is they perceive, based on their own agenda, to be better for “all”.

Censorship is the end of ideas, of free thinking, of expression, of everything we hold dear. It is a means to force the general populace into a non-thinking attitude where most can be manipulated and yet, it is only the tip of an iceberg which will destroy all in its path. Regardless of financial or human cost.

I pray to God I am wrong. Yet, having lived through it all before, I find it hard to believe I’m very far from those fears in our present reality. 

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

THE END OF A SINGULAR YEAR.

 

This post is actually taken from my company’s FB page, where a paid boost was denied. I read it again and again and couldn’t really find what the “infraction” was, so I let it go without changes, or boost. When editing becomes blatant censorship based on one individual’s interpretation of understandings, freedom of speech goes out the door.

These are the rules supposedly broken by the piece, which is really a year end note and a wish for a better new year…

“Policy

Ads must not contain content that asserts or implies personal attributes. This includes direct or indirect assertions or implications about a person’s race, ethnic origin, religion, beliefs, age, sexual orientation or practices, gender identity, disability, medical condition (including physical or mental health), financial status, voting status, membership in a trade union, criminal record, or name.”

And here is the post.

THE END OF A SINGULAR YEAR.

We are but two days away from turning the page on the year 2020. For many, this has been a difficult year, and with plenty of reasons, to say the least.

But, when facing difficulties, we have to stand tall and find the opportunities. Because they are there. I know many who have done their best, changing lifestyle and work routines. Others have found work where there was none before. Yet, far too many are still facing difficulties that have not been overcome ... yet. 

When facing a new year, we all make promises to ourselves and to the world. Promises which often are not kept or are kept half way. Usually because they are promises of "doing better", "losing/gaining weight", "improving life" etc.

These are far too loose, have no measurable results.

So …

How much weight do you want to lose?

How are you going to do it?

When will you start??

How are you going to "do better"?

What do you mean by that?

How will you accomplish it?

When?

Like with all else in life, it is better to have two well thought out "promises" which then become "commitments" and which you can supervise, measure and accomplish, than many which are just "feel good" promises.

Does this sound harsh?  Perhaps it is. But it is real.

Define what and where you want to be, then make yourself the promise that you will do what needs to be done in order to get there. Do it in writing, with details, then share it with the person(s) who will be there with you, so they can give you strength and help you get there.

You now have a commitment. To yourself and to those whom you love. Your chances of actually doing what you promise to do, have been multiplied tenfold.

You can do it!! There is nothing that says that a difficult year cannot be overcome and be followed by a great year, on all levels.

Make 2021 the BEST year ever for you and your loved ones.

We will be here to help you along, as much as we can.

But, remember, we can only push, YOU have to do it!!!

 

HAPPY AND BLESSED NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS!! 

MAY IT BE THE BEST YEAR EVER!!!

Changing Diapers. Figuratively speaking.

One of the great advantages of having survived the diagnosis and subsequent treatment (with all the short term/long term ramifications involved) of a cancer, along with a couple or three major surgeries to replace bone parts which had been worn out from use and abuse over the years, is that I have learned to look at the world around me with a somewhat more encompassing, yet skeptical eye. Sometimes approving, sometimes unbelieving, sometimes from a comical relief viewpoint. But always taking all details in, even when it doesn’t seem to be so. 

I find it fascinating that today, those objects that were “Oh-so-important” some years ago, are now just things to be appreciated; enjoyed if available and -if not- enjoyed from afar. Without jealousy, regrets or envy. I don’t know if this is a sign of maturity or conformity. Some folks do use this last term in the form of an attack, as in: “you are a CONFORMIST!!” whenever a person is willing to enjoy what he or she has at any particular time, without going crazy about doing more in order to get what he/she doesn’t really think he or she needs or wants.

If being a conformist means to be able to enjoy the here and now, without undue suffering for what is not available right at this moment, then so be it … I declare myself such an animal. 

Now that we have settled that issue, let’s go on to another word also found in that paragraph and which causes so much angst and pain to so many who fall under its spell: Regret(s).

What is Regret? These are some of the words that can be found in a Thesaurus under “regret”:  Remorse, guilt, shame, grief, distress, lament, be unhappy, be sorry.

As you can tell, there isn’t a single one of these words that in any way imaginable could be interpreted as a good thing to go through, feel, or even consider enjoying or enjoyable. So, in my newly appreciated state of enlightenment, this is a word I have erased from my vocabulary. Truly erased.

Does this mean I have never made a wrong decision? Far from it. My life is populated by bad decisions; some minor, some not so minor. Do I say there are absolutely no regrets when things have gone wrong? Not entirely. There have been regrets as far as my decisions may have negatively affected and/or hurt others. For them, yes, there are regrets. For myself? Not so. After reviewing my memory bank (not to be confused with the word “memoirs” which imply an exchange of money for your ability to read and partake of them), I came to understand these were decisions made based on circumstances of the moment, with available knowledge at the time and reasonable anticipation of probable results. 

Any negative impact on others was an unfortunate by-product of a failed course of action, and most definitely not an intended result.

So, why no regrets?  When one is feeling constant regrets over a course of action taken, one is doomed to live and re-live that course of action in his/her mind. It becomes a never-ending loop in time, where we can easily become trapped. I have informally spoken with some “connoisseurs” on this issue, and their collective thinking tends to agree on the probability of getting stuck in the past with the phrase “if I had not done this …” in any of its many variants being repeated over and again.

I have known some folks so enshrined in this behavior, that they lose concept of their present and their future. This is not a good way to live. If the results of any given action were negative, the consequences will be present for a length of time which, on occasion, could be a long one. We can try to repair the damage whenever possible or make amends if needed, but whatever action took place in the past, is done and gone. And usually, that which was done, cannot be undone.

I have learned as so should you, to pass the pages in the book of life, to finish the chapters, to close those chapters and to begin a new one. Every time. Life is a continuum and so should be our passing through it. It is often a difficult road to traverse and we cannot afford to make it even more difficult, by allowing our minds to become afraid of the present and the future because we are mired in past mistakes.

Accept them, show the desire to fix consequences when this is possible (can’t always do it, accept this as well), learn from what happened, re-focus your point of view and your direction of travel, then go ahead into a new chapter of your life and begin to write it on a pristine, blank piece of virtual paper.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

SANS TITLE

The original idea was to just splash a cute, non-descript title on top and then go ahead and start filling paper with a number of ingenious ideas and witty repartee… Although genuinely nice and creative, that went awry very quickly. As you can see, there is no title yet and as for ingenious ideas and witty repartee… not much of that either.

Writing is much like any other exercise. When you do it regularly, it becomes “easy”. When the wheels of creativity (mine seem to be thumping square wheels at the moment) stop rolling … it is hell to pay just to get then going again.

But I try. Because it is something that allows me to think beyond my current status, place or even hiding hole, if you prefer. It is letting the imagination take over and run crazy with whatever it begins to create. Sometimes that vision is a little frightening; sometimes it just hovers just above reality with some basic changes. Sometimes it just is … well … a waste of time.

Most of the entries on this long-ignored blog have been of memories. Memories of a childhood which day by day continues to fade into a faraway background; they only continue to exist because they are anchored by those real-life characters which populated that childhood and who -in one way or another- also populate many of the pages in these entries. All who were then adults, are gone. Several who just shared those growing times, still live. A few, other than those members of my immediate family (brothers, sister, cousins who live in Cuba, P. Rico, Colombia and here), still form part of my current life. We exchange notes and texts, sometimes share memories, and sometimes realize that all we have left to transfer to those who come behind, reared in this new and very different culture are, precisely, those memories.

To me, these memories are life itself. My life. To others, these can be cute stories; sometimes funny, sometimes a bit poignant. All I can say is they are very real. At times some of the participants, in the latter-day stories, have been somewhat camouflaged to protect the guilty. But these stories are bits of a life which is by now making its way into the middle of its seventh decade, while creating a sense of urgency about getting as much as I can on paper, before it begins to fade away. Irretrievably so.

No, I am not a harbinger of gloom and doom. It is just the reality of life. The years go by and our minds begin to file many of these memories under the “long past and gone” leather bound volumes where they gather dust, virtual spiderwebs and a patina of grayish forgetfulness.

Then, there are the new entries … this morning, a long-time friend sent me a note to let me know that a common friend and brother in arms had bid his last adieu last night. No. it wasn’t someone whom I saw every day or even talked with every day. We communicated throughout the year and would visit, usually for lunch, whenever I could make it to Miami. But, along with my other friend Hector, we had known each other since High School days when we all  -fresh from Cuba- ended up in Richland, WA. And there have been many, many other days that have gone by since those we use as a reference point. 56 years to be exact. So now Manny, truly a good man, will join many other gone souls in that growing archive that we so jealously guard, somewhere between the forehead and the back of that same head.

There, he now becomes a cherished memory, and the things we did in those long-gone days, which had been somewhat forgotten, come back as if they happened just yesterday.

It is time to say goodbye. Just for the moment. My growing work has really kept me from returning to these pages as often as I would like, but the effort is made and it is real. I will come and visit as often as I can; I hope you do the same.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

The Constancy of Inconstancy

 This is purely an exercise in thinking (a concept which, apparently, has fallen into hard times lately) and trying to project those thoughts into a future world before they disappear back into the mists from which they originally rose. I will state, unequivocally, that I am not a scientist nor a student of the human mind. Just an old guy who has seen a lot of fools come and go, before -or while- becoming one myself. 

Someday in the future, when history finally redeems itself as history and not as the currently favored overworked patch of repaired and restructured quasi-facts, our grand/great grandchildren will look at this stretch as a most revealing time for our country.

- “Welcome to the first session of 2040 class … we are going to review the impact te press had in their handling of information during the infamous 2020 pandemic, as it related to an election year” says Ms. Hightone, the US history teacher.

- “Mr. Bleak” continues the class leader … “Please give us your comments on the press, as it reported on the pandemic and its causes”

-“Well, Ma’am (yes, respect has been reintroduced into the classrooms by that time … we can hope, can’t we?) it seems that there were several reports which contradicted previous reports” said young Mr. Bleak “Almost like a constant change of direction”

- “What do you mean by that”, asked Ms. Hightone.

- “At the beginning, as early as December of 2019, there were reports of a virus which had escaped from a city in China called Wuhan” “Then, a bat virus twist was added … but”,  continued the student, “while a few press members were writing about an engineered virus, most members of the established press were trying to put distance between responsibility and the Chinese … despite the fact they had originally identified them as the source and culprit”…

- “Frankly” continued young Mr. Bleak, “I am not sure if I understand the flip flop reporting, unless it was re-directed for a reason”.

- “Very interesting, we will come back to that later” added Mrs. Highstone.

A young and usually quiet lady, Ms. Rodriguez, raised her hand.

- “Yes, Ms. Rodriguez” said Mrs. H.

- “In reviewing the releases of most of the primary news media of the time, it looks like there was a lot of political direction and manipulation” said Ms. Rodriguez quietly.

- “Please explain” said Mrs. H.

-“Taking into consideration it was an election year, it seems that a very large number of press releases that year were meant to undermine the credibility of the presiding government” continued Ms. Rodriguez. - “what sets apart that year from other previous elections is that in all others, releases would balance out in favor of both the incumbent and the challenger; however, in 2020 there seemed to be a coordinated effort to bring down the incumbent”

- “Continue” said Mrs. H

-“I went back all the way back to late 19^th century and early 20^th century, during the period in which the ‘Yellow Press’ became known as a form of reporting that made up news and sources or exaggerated half-truths  in the pursuit of an agenda” – “As a student of journalism” she added “it was truly an eye opener how the press then tried to manipulate people in general and some groups in particular, after these became a target” -  ”Analyzing these two periods, what jumps up at me is the similarity in the mismanagement of stories, sources and outright biased opinion of those who were supposed to be reporting news, not making them”

“so …” continued Mrs. H, “what is your take?”

- “My first reaction is that of true amazement as to how several pieces of information were manipulated to the detriment of the administration” “in most cases” she continued “these were proven to be wrong or outright false, but the press continued to push them as ‘facts’” … “After thinking about this, I can only conclude the press was totally willing to forget professional journalism for the sake of -what seemed to be- instigation of fear and hatred”.

- “Well, class” said Ms. H “Seems that we may be running out of time; however, this is a topic which will take several sessions to cover” …

- “What appears to be, according to several sources who have studied and written about this phenomenon” added Ms. H as a parting note to the class, “is that a very large amount of money and time were spent in trying to manipulate public opinion against the incumbent in a most important election year”

- “We will also look at social media; its growth in use and its role in balancing out, to a point, what the general press published as news”.

With that, Mrs. H dismissed the class while remaining behind in a very pensive mood … These children were young and starting; she was old enough to have lived this period and to have survived it.

Under a pseudonym and allowing her directed emotions to dictate her actions, she had been a very vocal part of that press. After, understanding the potential damage that could have been inflicted on the country, she dedicated her time and experience to teaching future generations about the importance of truth, professionalism and fairness in the handling of the responsibilities that go with that most important career of journalism.

Perhaps, she felt, she could in this way atone a bit for past actions.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

PACO Y PEDRO … THE “BODEGA” KINGS

Almost every other corner in my hometown -at least the older part of town where I lived- had a bodega. This is our term for the old-time neighborhood corner store. Where you went to buy the stuff you needed to create lunch or dinner, buy a quick Coca-Cola in the middle of a hot summer day, or where the guys went to have a beer and shoot the breeze at the end of a workday. Just prior to getting home, which was just a few short steps away. After all, it was the “bodega de la esquina” (the corner store).

These weren’t fancy places. Imagine a wide-open front main entrance … and around the very corner, another wide entrance. After all, there had to be access from both sides of the corner, not just one. Basic marketing in motion. It also helped with the breeze on a hot afternoon. No air conditioning here…

As you entered, there were barrels of the dry stuff along a very long, wooden counter, sitting on a very old cement floor. What was the dry stuff? Well, since you asked … rice, beans of different colors, corn, potatoes, green plantains, yuca roots… Behind the counter, along the walls and accessible only to one of the two aforementioned denizens, were colorful baskets full of tropical fruits and some green stuff we seldom used (lettuce and those things) … yes, I know. Our diet then would be horrible by today’s standards. But wow … was it full of flavor and home!!

The rest of the walls were taken up by assorted “stuff” (never accessed… probably to fill space) and prominent single display lines of different alcoholic beverages. Nothing too fancy… no orange or lime vodkas, no bitters, no … well, nothing out of the ordinary. And what was the ordinary? Rum, in all its variants, beer bottles lined up and waiting their turn to go into the coolers and …  yes, a couple of plain vodka, whisky and gin bottles gathering dust (never knew when a liquor savant wannabe could show up) along with plenty of local aguardiente. This last, along with the rum, were the most consumed items. The rum, straight up or in a “Cuba libre” (coke, lemon slice and ice). The aguardiente … always straight up. By the way … aguardiente means “burning water” and that is exactly what it was. In two versions: 60% alcohol (mild) and 80% alcohol (strong … for the “real” men).

But what about the two guys who ran this show? … and did so literally, from 7am to 8pm every day of the week, including Sundays until 5pm. They came from Spain as young (very, as was the norm then) men to find their way in the “Islands”. How they ended up in Cienfuegos, I really don’t know. Probably relatives; the same reason my grandfather ended up in this city, when it was his turn to get off the boat in Havana.

Working together, they lived in the back of the store, as was common with many of the migrants who came and managed to open a little business somewhere. They grew up in this store, at least from being young entrepreneurs to being older (to my young eyes, anyway. Although they were probably in their late 30’s/early 40’s around the time of these memories) business partners. Paco was shorter and wiry, always with an aura of impatient energy. Pedro was the bigger and probably younger of the two. A bit heavy and always with a smile. Maybe because of this I found it easier to go to him.

They were the quintessential example of the average early 20^th century Spanish immigrant to Cuba. Young (sometimes very young), of humble origins and willing to work at anything until they could open their own little something, whatever it might be, somewhere. Many of these little stores grew and spawned most of the bigger commercial enterprises that helped Cuban towns and cities expand and prosper.

Pedro and Paco’s store, while remaining the corner bodega, also grew over the years. Serving their faithful clientele, always helping the neighborhood and always willing to go the extra mile.

The best, as far as I was concerned?

Whatever I would get (within reason) I could always shout …

-“Pedro … put it on the tab!!” for, as with most corner bodegas, the long standing clients had a monthly tab to which the younger denizens of the family had access… you know … the cokes, candies, cookies and ice cream that made the summer days “funner” and more memorable.

With the coming of the new government and political system, that store and all private businesses were eventually either taken over by the government or closed. I assume this was also the case with “Siglo XX” (The name of the store) and I don’t know the eventual fate of Pedro and Paco. I hope their latter years were as kind to them as they were to us in their earlier years.

Pedro y Paco… The bodega kings … at least on the corner of San Luis and Boullon Sts.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com