Yesterday morning I was almost late for my
morning ESL class…
It was a
long night, one of those that refuses to allow sleep to come in and stay for any
reasonable amount of time. Finally, at around 4:45 in the morning (yep… one of those) I gave up and being
alone –seems like there has been a lot of this lately- turned on the television
set. As in other occasions, I went down my usual channels – Discovery, History,
American, Sports—and, finding out that at this time of the morning their
primary interest lay in selling me pants, glasses, new hair(actually, this one I may take note of)
kitchen utensils, etc… it was time to go to the movie channels.
Flipping furiously
down the line, one offering caught my eye. I don’t really know why. Perhaps
because it promised a light fare and perhaps because it promised to be boring
enough to put me back to sleep. Julia Sweeney (From SNL and “Pat” fame, among other accomplishments) talking about
life. From her book “God Said… HA!!”.
This program was recorded in 1994.
Little
did I know this would not only keep me from going back to sleep, but that it
would rivet my attention to the screen for the next 90 minutes. And that it
would set off a long period of questioning and reviewing of my own version of
God Said HA…
Her
brother Michael had died of cancer in 1991, after a long period of living in
with Ms. Sweeney, at her home, since there was no insurance and costs of
treatment were then –and still are- very high. During this difficult period of
time, she also found out she had cervical cancer, which she survived.
Being a
comedian by profession, she recounted this story with a light comedy touch. One
of those which every so often brings a knowing smile to your face. On the other
hand, I guess it would be very difficult to talk about this as a subject to
create raucous laughter. There was love, care, warmth and, above all,
perspective.
Having
had cancer myself and having lost several friends to this disease, it was easy
to relate to her stories. How to find a little peace in the midst of constant
debacle. A little laugh, a little smile. A little loving thought. How to learn
to deal with a reality that all too often no one around you may come to understand or
mentally accept.
As
everyone who has gone through an encounter with a life threating disease knows,
the resulting changes are not only physical, they are also emotional and spiritual. The
physical ones are usually manageable. Lingering side effects from drugs which
are quite strong, sometime for the rest of the patient’s life. Follow up
treatments that go on for often years, trying to insure the disease does not
come back.
The other
side effects are the ones only the patient sees and feels. The questioning,
often without answers. A subtle change in every day relationships,
in the understanding that truly there is a limited time for out physical
presence on this world. A change in priorities, a change in the way we look at
life in general and at existence I particular. Sometimes these come on
gradually. Sometimes they snap to in the midst of a conversation, a thought, a
discussion.
What is
true, as Ms. Sweeney implies, is that life will change. In her case, it took
her into the world of Atheism. All well and good. In my case, it helped me understand
that –whatever name we give- there is a fighting spirit who is with and within
us; who has shared with us life and choices; who waits and –if and when asked to-
will step in and guide us through moments which may be more difficult than others.
It also
changed my life perspective. I always believed that life’s roads were to be
travelled with admiration and enjoyment. Now I am totally convinced this is so.
While we all set goals and lay out plans, we may or may not have the time or the opportunities to accomplish them.
Yet, I
now believe that the true accomplishment is in walking the roads life gives us
and in enjoying every step along the way. In the end, it is not about the
things one did or owned; it is about having walked in the knowledge
that each and every step counts and that each and every moment –whether in
abundance or not, materially speaking- was understood and enjoyed. And whether
or not something was grasped from those moments. A lifelong learning process.
A little long
winded… maybe a shorter entry next time to make up for this… Or maybe not…
Be Well … Be Back!!!
Final
Notes:
· Pray for those who are fighting an illness
which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and
counts!!
· Follow us on Twitter … @RJAsPandora
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