This
morning I woke up with a heaviness in my mind and heart. I have been fairly
busy lately, so it was assumed that perhaps this was the reason for this tired,
but not quite tired feeling. Still in bed, but thinking about some strange, but
unremembered dreams that have come along these past few nights and trying to
make sense out of this whole scenario, I looked at my phone to see the time and
noticed the date.
October
18th. The anniversary of my son Eric’s death as a result of an accident.
Then I understood. In my heart I knew this was a special day, even if my mind –
in its ever-ongoing effort of self-protection- chose to not recognize it right
away.
The
years go by and blur into a non-distinct date and time. It becomes a moment, a
late evening phone call with news no parent wants to hear or should have to hear.
Is
the hurt gone? No, not quite. Yes, time does have a way of lessening it, but it
is an empty feeling that never goes, or will go away.
Memories?
Many. Some great, some not so great, some painful, some happy. And yes, some
not so happy. But then, this is the amalgam of life.
My clearest
memory and the one which defines Eric for me, was his personal struggle to deal
with the ever-present specter of addiction. Alcohol was his nemesis and it gave
him his darkest moments as well as -I believe- his most shining moments.
In
the latter years, he fought to regain his life and wrest it away from this
nightmare. He managed to fight it to a functioning draw and this, in of itself,
was a tremendous life triumph. This is my memory of him. Smiling, loving,
working, regaining his self-respect and beginning to trust in the possibility that
he had, after all, the right to a good future. This made him a winner.
In my
eyes, he was -and will always be- a champion. So yes, he is gone from this
physical world, but in my proud heart he will always live on and his smile will
always shine.
Eric
Charles, my son. R.I.P.
Be
Well … Be Back!!!
Final Notes:
· Pray
for those who are
fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every
request is heard, and counts!!
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