A visit
to this mind sanctuary is long overdue to help with a bit of reflection, and perhaps
also to help a sometimes-over-busy mind cope with the demands of day to day
business.
It has
been one of those sequences of days when unresolved and unexpected issues
come and queue up at the door, just like patrons at a post office line on a
busy holiday, waiting to place the responsibility of handling and delivery of
their late gift packets on someone else’s hands.
Since
this is my forum (it is … Isn’t it?) I think it is a good place to vent a
little bit. “They” (after 73 years, I still don’t know who “they” are)
say that putting one’s thoughts out there will make it easier to cope, as well
as to visualize what or where a solution might be. But the truth is that I am
not sure the “grievances” are about others and their issues or about my own
shortcomings, if I am going to be honest.
I am
told constantly that as one gets older --yes, in this case, me-- all traits and
qualities are accentuated. The good ones (you may have to look deep for
these) as well as the not-so-good ones (these tend to be a little closer
to the surface, apparently). If you have been a kind person, you become
kinder. However, if you have been a short-tempered person, you become truly
grumpy, with a capital “G”. You become your own worst nightmare.
I
have said it before, although not sure if within the entries in this forum,
that as age advances, my patience accepts more but my tolerance diminishes. Is
this sentence self-contradictory? Some people to whom I express these thoughts
tell me that it is not possible; that if you are more patient, then you are
also more tolerant. And, the corollary, that if I am less tolerant, then I
can’t be more patient.
While
I do believe these two are totally related, their relationship --in my belief
system-- is more symbiotic than individual or separate.
As my time on this earth gets longer --or shorter, depending on differing
points of view-- and after having lived through many experiences (some of
which I’d rather not have experienced) it is true that my patience has become more accepting of different people and ideas,
as long as they are themselves accepting, and where the differing ideas are
presented with a degree of coherence. Some who know me -or even live with me-
would probably say, contrary to my own understanding, “Not True”.
Let’s look over a couple of situations. (1) Young and starting to
get on with life and work, or (2) older and engaging in a new environment or
set of responsibilities. Mistakes are made, ideas are lost, and re-starts become
the norm for a while, on both scenarios. In situations like this, patience helps
me understand that I must wait out the results; that mistakes are valid, that
this is a time investment in the betterment of someone and something. Ok. Well
and good.
Tolerance will not, in looking at these same scenarios and while
accepting the fact that mistakes will be made, easily or calmly accept
repetitive or foolish mistakes. Nor will it accept that enough time and
dedication is not given to the specific process of learning, as required. I can
say that tolerance is what sets the limit of how far patience will go in
managing any given circumstances.
Tolerance will also set patience limits towards general behavior
of people (including oneself) especially when it may deal with ill
treatment or abuses against those who cannot defend themselves (human,
animal or vegetal). Toward this, the limits are truly, down to near zero.
Now, notice the tolerance limits being referred to are very
specifically directed at defined circumstances, not at life in general. The
phrase “defined circumstances”, identifies circumstances which are identified by
each of our separate growing and living experiences. In my case, I believe that
intentionally wasting time, effort and knowingly inflicting abuses which can’t
be answered by those being abused, definitely test my tolerance. However, a
child yelling, running and just being a child, won’t.
So, while these are two different parts of our internal trait
system, I do believe they, while being closely related, are differently managed
and work on a symbiotic level, where Patience is the real-world expression
of the limits that tolerance sets within the mind.
I am sure all this has been nicely explained elsewhere, but it
has been on my mind lately. Especially with assorted (abusive, I am sure…)
insinuations that I, in getting older, am becoming an impatient grouch of
sorts. Not True!!!
Somewhat intolerant? Probably … but very patient.
Yep.
Final Notes:
· Pray
for those who are
fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every
request is heard, and counts!!
