“The Help”

Nothing to do with this fine, fine movie but… maybe we can draw some parallels to the story.

The story for the movie is based in the south, circa late1940’s (more or less) and it is about a white reporter who comes back to her native town and begins to interview the “Help”; those black women who came in to the homes of white folk and usually kept these homes running on a day to day basis. As a result of these interviews, much changed and many employers who thought they were above reproach, found themselves looking at the same reproach from beneath.

It is difficult for me to envision that we, whoever we might be, can look at our own reflection and see the negative aspects which are so easily seen. The “bad” traits are usually left for others to identify and then, for us to vehemently ignore or deny.

Life in the public eye for someone whose career depends on others’ perceptions of self must be an exhausting existence. Especially in our day and age, where nothing we may have done, even if this occurrence happened years ago in a different life and scenario, escapes scrutiny. We live in a glass wall era, where even the most innocent and smallest misstep can and will be -if so needed- brought into blaring life.

The son of a family friend applied for a job… what he did not know is that his FB profile would be a part of the application and, without much thinking, he provided the potential hiring party a way into his account (code since changed). Unfortunately, the now (in)famous timeline had taken some meanderings around several parties where he had drunk more than –let’s say- your basic couple of beers, and these photos were a heavy part of the “NO” decision handed down by the potential employer. Fair? Depends on the perspective… From mine? No, not fair. I believe the private lives of people are just that… private.

Yet, parallel lives do go on and do exist in most people’s lives. What we do while in the public eye is part of our lives, and what we do in our private moments is also a part of this life of each of us. Are they related? Sure, they form part of what –or who- a person is and yet, they are separate facets of that same life. Does the private life reflect on who the person is? Probably… actually, most likely is closer to the reality of that person than the public aspect, since we tend to “let our guard” down in private, when there is a feeling –whether real or false- of security.

Think about it… Think about decisions that you (and all of us) have made and where the fact that you may have been in the public eye at the moment, tipped the balance. If you had made all your decisions in private and without the interference of the “public eye”, would you have made the same decisions? Would you have taken the same direction? An honest answer please… I am not asking you to publish it…

So, are our lives affected by a perceived opinion of others? Yes, they are. Even for those who profess –and I have to include myself here- that what we do should not affected by others’ perceptions. It really cannot be this way, in its purest form. We live as part of a society and, within this society, we live within a yet smaller mini society made up of family, friends and immediate coworkers.  We know, whenever we make a decision of any import, that this particular group will be affected and this weighs in during the process.

So… whenever we go on about our business, remember there are many who are around us, often “invisible” and who are responsible for many of the moments we may come to enjoy on a day to day basis. These folk do their thing, so we can do ours. But, they also have their lives, their immediate groups, their families, their likes and dislikes.

Be aware of those who toll on your behalf, even if this work is done quietly and in an “out of the way” manner. Become aware of and respect their reality so yours will, in turn, be respected.

This, perhaps, is one area in which our public servants should be further taught; we, the common folk fight battles they, in their political realms, are not aware of and in doing so, we learn to survive… we seem to only become real and/or somewhat important to our leaders whenever voting time comes around.

As with the black ladies who are featured in the movie that gave me the name for this piece, we want to be heard. And we want to be treated with respect and with fairness.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

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