An Open Letter to my Dear Son…

An Open Letter to my Dear Son…

This past week, as your physical presence was taken from us, brought much pain into our lives; not only your family’s lives, but to all those lives whose path you crossed and, in doing so, made better. This past Saturday we had a celebration of of your incredible accomplishments son. The people who knew you and who loved you; those who knew you as a young man … and those who stood by you throughout your more difficult times. They were all there. Yes, I know … you definitely would not believe these many folks would come to remember you and to tell all how much they loved you and how much you impacted them; because of your constant inner struggles you were always self effacing my son, yet you had grown to be incredibly strong and made that strength an impacting presence in your relationships.

I had a chance to think about the many different aspects of your life; about your inquisitiveness, your curiosity about all things … your thirst for knowledge. Our too few visits and our marathon like phone conversations. Always wanting to know “Why?”, “How Come?” I guess by now you must be the main assistant at the celestial library …Along with having an endless open account at the nearest sushi bar …. My Word!! The amounts of food you could put away never ceased to amaze me or your friends who sat at the table with you!! … a reflection of your hunger for all things, even food; your incredible intenseness was present in all you did.

You had a troubled life my son; but, once you decided that it was finally time to set things to right, that immense inner strength you always denied having took over and enabled you to indeed wrest you life back into your hands. Yes, the struggles did not end there … we know this and, most importantly, you knew they would always be present but you were not afraid of taking them on, even when there were times this could prove to be tiring and frustrating. You NEVER gave up!!

This letter is about whom you were in life son, and about what your incredible spirit meant to so many people. Your accomplishments were extremely important. The simple fact you were able to come back from the hold of addiction is, in itself, a life feat worth celebrating. But you would always act as if these were not important and as if you were not deserving of praise, since you were not comfortable with this concept. Yet, much praise was deserved. In going back to school and always being amongst the top 3 (usually at the top!) in your group, and eventually getting your plumbing license, you were so proud … and so were all of those who knew and loved you son, starting right here with your family and friends.

A shy smile remembered

Your smile and quick (a little too sharp at times …) dry wit always made me laugh; your observations about people were always right on the money. But you know what was more important? You always looked for that good thing anyone could have and always hung to this, rather than looking to find any negative qualities that could be derided; you had learned first hand the damage this could do. This is a beautiful quality of life son, and I hope I can learn to emulate you in it… You taught me this and many other things. I learned much else about your last few years from your friends; all of it made my heart burst with love and pride. I was always proud of you son, and always loved you for who you were; I think you knew this, for we often would talk about your pains and frustrations … and I always told you that your worth, as a person, had no boundaries … you were well worth all the effort, the love, the struggles, the tears, the understanding and also the time … The long conversations and discussions about your true passions; those we shared like music and books and those we did not share, like your love for your bike(s). Yes, this last took you away from us, but I also know that it gave you perhaps the most joyous and peaceful times of your life… How could I resent this? I am grateful to have shared your time in this life son, and am incredibly proud to be your father.

You were now called into Our Father’s arms my son. You leave behind a void which will never be filled; there will never be another like you, nor would I ever look for one. I will terribly miss your physical presence; your spiritual presence and love remembered will always keep me company.

I do not question the Will of The Father; He had brought you back to us at a time we thought you might be gone forever. That allowed for your eventual entry into treatment and recovery and in doing so, life gave you a chance to blossom into the beautiful person you truly always were. This is the person we all remember with much love and pride; this is the person who won over all those with whom you came into contact; this is the person who was truly kindhearted, loving, giving, a true friend, someone who understood that love meant really caring about the entity beyond a façade, the true core of the individual … for you knew intimately my son the pain that could be caused by just measuring the surface and not going beyond.

Years ago, in one of the many times we would go out for a night “talk” (that meant you talked and I mostly listened…) you said to me “I hope that when I grow up, I am just like you”… You never had an idea son, what that has meant to me throughout my own life’s ups and downs. But I want to tell you this … You were already a much better man than I ever could hope to be, and I loved you for this and much more…

So long my son; I shall not say goodbye, for we will meet again … and at that time you shall be my guide and mentor. Be well; you now enjoy the true love of Our Lord and the true peace of His presence. Knowing this, we find solace and acceptance; you are beyond trials and struggles; He knew you were ready to be at His side.

We love you; we bless you and we send you on in peace.

Your father.