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This morning I sit here with both, my mind and the computer screen at which it is staring, totally blank. There is little going on of interest and a somewhat empty personal gas tank, slowly being refilled as time flows on.

In the course of these past two weeks, there is much in the concept of grief management which has been learned and, yes, there is much more to be learned yet. This is something I have had the opportunity to discuss with people who are spiritually and/or professionally much more prepared than I; yet, as more than one has said to me as a friend, nothing really equates having gone through the impact. We can advise and give a path to follow which, according to the experts and the books is the correct one but, in the end it is the character of the person or persons going through the grieving process who actually will make a difference.

Much like in the marriage process; many of us who were brought up within the Catholic Church, were reduced –especially in the more traditional societies- to receiving counseling from priests who, themselves, had never been married and who had no children to deal with on a 24 hour basis. How accurate could someone be about giving advice, when this is being pulled from a book? A book or books which more often than not were written by expert(s) who were themselves born from books and academia rather than real life experience.

Yes, we can go to the Bible to find spiritual solace and say this is the Sine Qua Non on all referenced advice but… it then becomes a matter of faith since this book was written 20 centuries ago, in an extremely different societal structure and it is a compilation of memories about the life and message of Our Lord Jesus (New Test.), as remembered by men who lived a parallel life and others who came afterwards; the canonical content of the Bible being established and/or compiled during the Carthage Synod of 387 AD. So, in the end, management of critical personal issues including grief and emotional distress, will eventually be done at a very core, individual level.

Who can truly give advice?  I think only someone who has gone through the same issues. In fact, about one year ago Eric (son) and I were talking on the phone, in one of those impromptu mini-marathons that would happen when either one of us felt bored and needed someone with whom to share the effervescence of such a mind state.

“Pa”… well, without the southern accent… “what’re you doing?” “Just answered the phone” I would retort… and not missing a beat “Well… that’s good, or I would be here talking to myself”… and we would start to discuss everything in the world, especially in his little corner of South Florida. Although we would often talk about the latest book he had bought and how it really set his imagination a ‘going, or where he had gone on his bike, or what needed fixing with said two wheeled item, this particular time the conversation went into more serious issues. As you may have read in some of the other entries, there is the possibility that at some not too distant future, a foundation will be structured in order to use some expected funds to help, albeit in a small way, people who need the very same help he had received some years before. A help which allowed him to start a long, sometimes very frustrating, recovery road but which, in allowing  him to do it, opened the way for him to rejoin the everyday people world.

Fact is that, in living through the process he had experienced, his mind truly opened up to many different venues and possibilities. There was very little which would be discounted and few dreams not worth looking at. In this we were very much alike. For this reason, we both felt comfortable in talking about any and all issues. And we did. The possibility of this foundation was discussed and, immediately, he saw the potential for what could be done. As his interest and enthusiasm grew by the minute, I said to him … “Eric, one of the areas we want to cover is helping the rehab centers like the one where you were helped” I continued… “the idea is to create an ombudsman figure that will provide financial support to these centers, and help them finance people who could not otherwise get the help they need” …. A silent moment … “This is like a scholarship fund, right?” he said. “You got it … I think many people will benefit from this”.

We continued our talk, going into other areas and other issues. He had an opinion on each one of them and was never afraid to spell it out. Out of nowhere, I said this to him: “Son, I don’t think this thing can be supervised by anyone other than he who has lived through the process” … “That would go without saying", he added … “Would you be willing to go back to school and get the necessary associate degree so you can head this effort?” I ventured. He thought about it for a few seconds and said “Sure, Pa” “I’d like that”. So an idea was born. And it was born because, going back a couple of paragraphs, I was as sure then as I am now, that there are issues that require, even demand, that anyone who wants to venture an opinion or manage a related effort, must have lived through the process. Must have suffered, cried, laughed and, eventually, pulled him/herself out of the pit in the case of dealing with an addiction related topic, or must have lived through a relationship in the case of counseling relationship issues. 

I do not know how correct these thoughts are; then, they are always presented as my very own unschooled ruminations…  And yes, that idea we discussed will be completed and will be, very unfortunately not managed by Eric, but certainly inspired and spiritually led by him. When it comes to pass (for it will) it will be known as “Eric’s Dream”, A foundation to help young adults fight addiction. It will be beautiful and a great way to remember him; he would love it!!

Be well … Be Back!!

Final Notes:

• Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!
• Any comments please send to otherboxp@yahoo.com; it comes directly to me. I promise to read all coming messages, and answer as many as I can.
• Remember:  We are “On Air” every Sunday night at 6:30pm EST (GT –5hrs).  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/theotherbox If the link does not work, please just copy and paste to your address bar.