Kensington Gardens, London… circa 2003

London is a grand city; an old world capital best describing the most complete meaning of that concept. Many people who go there as tourists get to see sights, opera and theater; dine in fine restaurants and tour the Thames… during my visit and stay there I indeed did some of this, but from a very different, perhaps truer, perspective.

On our way back from a failed business attempt in Gibraltar, while in London and waiting to go to the international airport, I received a phone call from a colleague who informed me that a business transaction was on the verge of taking place and, why couldn’t I wait in London since it would take place there and, thus, I could go to the meetings and sign. We had no means for me to stay there, since our funds had truly run out by this time and, in fact, an unspoken decision had been made to, basically, get out of this business. When so informed, the colleague told me that he would wire some funds for an initial hotel stay and would I not please stay and wait.

After discussing the request with my wife, she went on to the States and I (after receiving the initial and, as it turned out, only wire transfer from this source) stayed in London for what should have been a two week stint, but turned into a four months Calvary. There was an old, small hotel near Kensington Park and Knightsbridge; this is a nice area and the hotel was just removed enough and, shall we say, shabby enough not to be expensive. I went in to occupy a room barely bigger than I… definitely not your basic Hilton… But it was supposed to be only for a couple of weeks… right?

A bench in Kensington Gardens;
an almost daily stop

By the end of the 5^th week, the money was gone in London and in the US, the transaction had not taken place and my daily survival depended on what a friend could send me from Canada, whenever he could. Whenever my room charges went unpaid for more than three nights, the room was unavailable to me. Thanks to an Indian fellow who had the night shift and I had befriended, I was able to come in late and stay in the lobby…  During the days, from 6:45 until past 9pm, I had to be away because this is when the manager was on duty… he wasn’t so friendly.

Yesterday, in a post which has had a very strong response, there were several thoughts on loneliness. During this time in London, this unwelcome guest came very close to tapping into my mind, but entry was refused. I knew that a close relative, despair, would be calling right behind it. This could not be allowed.

The Museum of Science

Having not been to London before and, as long as I was “trapped” there, I decided we should become acquainted, as much as possible. Granted, it would have been much preferred to do this as a regular tourist but… do what you can with what you have, when you have it. This was, in reality, truly a “make do” exercise in keeping myself occupied, not giving time or space to negative thoughts.

Armed with a map and a backpack (whatever my Indian friend allowed me to take from my room, the rest stayed there) with some pain meds for my leg, the phone with a basic charge of 60 pence, enough to receive calls whether about the business or from home, and a lot of curiosity, I mapped some areas which were a must, in my mind. Being “home-based” out of the Knightsbridge area, this was the closer environment to roam and, within these boundaries, there was Harrods’s, The Science Museum, The History Museum, Kensington Park and plenty of side streets and sights. A little further off, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, Covent Garden, and several other points of general interest.

Performance at Covent Gardens

Does this sound like my mind was up in the clouds, while my real situation was truly urgent? Perhaps; but that mind which has seen me through many touch-and-go situations, is one which self defends to a point where it takes over whenever there is a need for it to do so. With or without my consent. Call it survival; call it dreaming to survive. No matter, the eventual result is to have weathered whatever life has thrown in, coming out at the other end not totally unscathed, but alive and functioning. And perhaps a little wiser.

My daily forays took me to all these places and many in between; sometimes when I had the money, the metro would be used; most times it would be on foot, going through all the parks and open air galleries along the way. But, there was one place where my mornings always started: The Oratory of St. Phillips, on Brockton. This was exactly 11 blocks from the hotel door and every morning you would find me there, usually not later than 7am. Sometimes to come in from the cold, sometimes just to sit and think for a while… and always, on coming out, my mind and heart would always be refreshed and in full understanding that we ourselves make the decisions which bring us to wherever we are at any given point. It was never a “Why Me?” issue… the answer would be more than simple: you are here (wherever that may be) because you knowingly made the decisions that brought you here.

St Phillips, A Daily Refuge

I came to know and enjoy several street musicians and performers, who made my days go by a little faster and, always, in a happier mood; went into many places, like Harrods’s, which in their splendor helped me put my own bleak reality aside for a precious short while. The Museums, both History and Science, became a regular stop in my meanderings and they are truly wondrous. Kensington Park was a daily stop and refuge (except on rainy days… too many of these in London), where the squirrels and I formed sort of an allegiance, sharing some nuts I would bring with me.

What is the point of all this telling? Not to generate a pity party; hate those. In fact, all to the contrary; my belief is very firm in the fact that we, as individuals, all too easily take the low road and blame someone else for what are the consequences of our own decisions, giving in to suffering and despair. We forget that we also have the choice of taking a higher road and really put to work that old adage that, wisely, tells us that “when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade and enjoy it”. That is a choice that will always be open to us, no matter what the circumstances but, in the end, we are the ones to look around, lift our eyes and head up high, and continue on. Or not.

Harrods's... Never Never Land

Am I stronger than others? Not at all. Perhaps older and a little more beat up… What is also very true is that there is always a trade off in everything we do in life. My being able to, as it were, look into the inside core for help in difficult moments, makes me somewhat unavailable to those around me at times; that could be a minus. In the end, each one of us has to look out for the opportunity to survive and learn in the process, to try and become a better human being, and to go on with life, passing on that which was learned along the way.

A friend eventually loaned the money needed to pay the hotel, rescue my passport and make the changes in my ticket, thus getting me back home where everyone was amazed as to how much weight I had lost… Told them I would walk some 10 miles every day, and that my food fare had been light. Truth disguised. Then we would all laugh and joke about how this had been a good diet.

Why not?!!!  Spread a smile, not sorrows.

Be well… Be back!!!