When a Life Goes Astray…

We usually, although this is not always the case, come into the world as a result of an act of love. As we enter this often unforgiving life cycle, our fate usually rests with the hands of those who brought us here to begin with.

Imagine; you are chosen without any real preparation or any type of support to start a journey where the road is totally uncertain, and where the means to travel are not identified; a trip during which, those who are appointed to accompany you until the time you can go on alone, assuming you get to that juncture, may be beset by adversity and issues which will prevent them from meeting their end of the business. Or, it may be that they may not even be able to be there for part or for the entire journey. Where the circumstances of travel will change constantly and your preparation to successfully meet these changes might not be up to requirements. Add to this the fact that the trip has no defined timeframe; also, know that it could be suddenly ended by any number of events, many of which will be totally out of your control. And, in the end, if you do make it to your destiny, there is no promise of even a reward.  

Would you agree to the undertaking of such a journey?

As adults, if presented with such a choice, our most probable answer would be a resounding NO!!  And, most likely, you would have the right of it… Yet, that is exactly the journey we all undertook at the moment of our conception and into our lives. So it should not come as a surprise that so many of our brothers and sisters take a wrong turn now and then. The surprising fact should be that so many make it into adulthood and into an older age. Mind you, not totally unscathed; most of us go through periods varying in difficulty from 1 to 9 (10 being death) and yet manage to survive and to go on to the next encounter. And on finally arriving at an older stage of life, we have learned at that point to look back and in many instances, laugh about these difficulties. This adaptation, this incredible gift, is also part of the package of being human.

Sometimes we go in circles

We have all witnessed fellow men and women suffering and failing to make the grade; we have also had the opportunity to witness others who, like the proverbial Phoenix, become ash and then are reborn and fly again. Can we really do this? Can we learn from our mistakes and go on into this unknown journey, not really understanding whether we will make it much further?

I am a witness to both, failure stories and success stories. Perhaps along the way, I have had a primary role as well in a couple of these instances.  From orphanages in Argentina to Guatemala, Extreme poverty in India and without going too far from home, in our own backyard, right here in the US. People from all walks of life can and do fall, some are able to get up and continue; others either choose, for reasons only understood –or perhaps not- by them, to remain on the lower road… or perhaps they find it just too difficult to get up one more time.

Sometimes we choose to go alone

 We, as human beings, have certain abilities which are denied other animal groupings. The ability not just to intuit, but to think and reason with this information. The ability to see beyond “our noses” and visualize what may be beyond the bend on the road. The ability to be able to choose a course of action (there we go again with choices…) based on what we know and what we think we know and, very important, what we are aware we don’t know.

These posts are very far from being a pulpit or a sandbox stand; no one has the right to judge another human being, for the simple reason that no one really knows what is inside that other mind, or what roads and perils that other individual has faced and survived. Or have brought that person down. Also, as The Good Lord gave us to understand sometime ago… no one is free of failures and sins. Why does an otherwise intelligent 15 year old choose to use drugs and/or alcohol?  Why does he allow these to become masters of his life? Why does someone choose to literally throw away possibilities, freedom and physical wellbeing?  I do not have the answers; I wish I did for it pains me every time I see something like this happening. It pains me to see a young man or woman go through the misery of an addiction; a misery so deep that sometimes it brings the wish of final release, for living this kind of life is just not wanted anymore when there seems to be no relief in sight.

Confusion is easily attained

Sometimes, a message may come through; a message which tells him that there is a chance, there is a possible solution which will take much pained commitment and a ferrous determination to fight on for as long as he is then alive. But the decision is only his to make; no one has the right or the understanding needed to do so on his behalf. Only he can say “I’m ready to try”. Often, misguided parents whose children are under this killing influence force them to go into medical retreats and into clinics; then, when nothing seems to work they do not understand why. The answer is very simple indeed: nothing outside of one’s own understanding and desire produces that determination to fight and to wrest oneself away from this misery.

Sometime ago I had the opportunity to have lunch with a young man I know well, who had gone through this process. As I, who enjoy a glass of wine, hesitated to ask for one, he said with a smile… “Go ahead and have your wine… I will have the tea" he added "I am the one with the problem, not you”. This simple statement helped me understand that he had actually gone to the very gates of hell, and had managed to come back.

But you have to know you are
not alone...

In his fight, he had come to understand that it is the daily routine and the small and big choices each one of us makes that can make or break the recovery process which, for better or worse, is a never ending road. He clearly understood this and, even though he may not be able to pinpoint the reasons for his downfall, he well understands the demands and conditions for his continued success after having cleaned his system. It is entirely up to him to be able to continue on the clean road, for no one can travel this for him. Those of us who know and love him can and will travel alongside for support, but we cannot assume his responsibilities.

Does this make him better or worse than others? I don’t know. Perhaps it makes him into someone who finally chose to address his own problems, face them and fight them in order to be able to reclaim his life as his own. He has chosen to work, study and to try to recover some of the, as he puts it “lost gray matter and time”, with the full understanding that this is not an easy task or an easy road to travel.  He was often called many unflattering names; especially by those who dared become judges of character while being devoid of their own. Yet, he is a good man; much wiser now having survived these difficult travails; in fact, we are all much wiser. 

While others may have called him names, I call him son; I love him dearly and am extremely proud of his very difficult personal achievement… 

Being his father is an honor for me.

Be Well… Be Back!!