IS “HATRED” VALID?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, hate (verb) / hatred (noun) mean:

1.      To feel (to hate) intense or passionate dislike (hatred) for something or someone. 

- “I HATE … (PUT YOUR FAVORITE HATE SUBJECT HERE) !!!”

How often do we hear someone who, at the peak of frustration, utters that famed and abused expression? The direct object of their feelings could be a pet that just did the unthinkable on their living room floor, a phone that fails to communicate immediately, or another person who wronged them beyond expectation or reason. And, of course, for no reason. 

What does the feeling of hate do to a person? Let’s be honest. 60-70% of the time we hear that expression (and if truth be told, most of us let it escape sometimes), is the result of a momentary frustration and it rarely goes beyond that moment. Yet, I have met people who physically and emotionally change at the mention of someone or something they profess to hate, and actually do. Their expression clouds, their blood pressure rises, their eyes narrow and their behavior may change dramatically. 

What do all these changes do to the person who chooses to hate? Well, “hate” is like a canker that slowly destroys the “hater”, while the “hated” is usually not even aware of this feeling and goes merrily about his or her life. It then becomes a self-inflicted immediate Karma. As some professionals will tell you, hate is the result of our own impotence and self-dislike for having done -or not- that which created or failed to stop the issue causing the problem. It is the ultimate frustration, and we discharge it upon ourselves.

Even when the issue is created by an outside force well beyond our control, hatred only serves to completely undermine the basic internal balance we need to function well as the wonderful and complex entity each one of us is. I am often asked about my own story and my feelings about having been forced to leave my country (Cuba) and family at an early age (15) because of political changes. 

I can’t deny that for a time I did feel a deep disgust and dislike (yes, hatred) of all that had to do with that government, and what it had done to my family as well as thousands upon thousands of other families. And to my country. I was young, inexperienced, confused, and full of clashing feelings. As I grew older and “up” (these two don’t necessarily go hand in hand) little by little I began to accept that hating someone or something, was not going to change the circumstances that surround the issue. It just consumed my energy and changed me, and not in a good way. And, yes, I met a lot of good people along the way, who helped me understand this concept.

If I were to be asked the same question today, my reaction would be one of sorrow and pity. Sorrow for a life -with the family I knew- that might have been and wasn’t. And sorrow and pity for a country and those who still proudly call it home. A country that, while imperfect, had been a good place for most of its people. Perhaps somewhere, in a parallel universe, that country may be a reality. And, no, I do not regret the life that has been lived instead. It simply opened -for me- a universe that was not there before. And I am grateful for this.

With the help of others, of my own living and growing experiences and, most of all, with the help of that general, slow-working balm which is called “Time”, I was able to let go of those negative feelings and begin concentrating on being “me”.  Perhaps it took a good number of years to get to this state, but the results have been positive. For me, and for those around me.

You can do it. Late hatred go. Send it on its (un)merry way as far from you as you can manage it and give yourself over to acceptance, patience, and understanding. It will be a great change, and you will profit from it.