IS “HATRED” VALID?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, hate (verb) / hatred (noun) mean:

1.      To feel (to hate) intense or passionate dislike (hatred) for something or someone. 

- “I HATE … (PUT YOUR FAVORITE HATE SUBJECT HERE) !!!”

How often do we hear someone who, at the peak of frustration, utters that famed and abused expression? The direct object of their feelings could be a pet that just did the unthinkable on their living room floor, a phone that fails to communicate immediately, or another person who wronged them beyond expectation or reason. And, of course, for no reason. 

What does the feeling of hate do to a person? Let’s be honest. 60-70% of the time we hear that expression (and if truth be told, most of us let it escape sometimes), is the result of a momentary frustration and it rarely goes beyond that moment. Yet, I have met people who physically and emotionally change at the mention of someone or something they profess to hate, and actually do. Their expression clouds, their blood pressure rises, their eyes narrow and their behavior may change dramatically. 

What do all these changes do to the person who chooses to hate? Well, “hate” is like a canker that slowly destroys the “hater”, while the “hated” is usually not even aware of this feeling and goes merrily about his or her life. It then becomes a self-inflicted immediate Karma. As some professionals will tell you, hate is the result of our own impotence and self-dislike for having done -or not- that which created or failed to stop the issue causing the problem. It is the ultimate frustration, and we discharge it upon ourselves.

Even when the issue is created by an outside force well beyond our control, hatred only serves to completely undermine the basic internal balance we need to function well as the wonderful and complex entity each one of us is. I am often asked about my own story and my feelings about having been forced to leave my country (Cuba) and family at an early age (15) because of political changes. 

I can’t deny that for a time I did feel a deep disgust and dislike (yes, hatred) of all that had to do with that government, and what it had done to my family as well as thousands upon thousands of other families. And to my country. I was young, inexperienced, confused, and full of clashing feelings. As I grew older and “up” (these two don’t necessarily go hand in hand) little by little I began to accept that hating someone or something, was not going to change the circumstances that surround the issue. It just consumed my energy and changed me, and not in a good way. And, yes, I met a lot of good people along the way, who helped me understand this concept.

If I were to be asked the same question today, my reaction would be one of sorrow and pity. Sorrow for a life -with the family I knew- that might have been and wasn’t. And sorrow and pity for a country and those who still proudly call it home. A country that, while imperfect, had been a good place for most of its people. Perhaps somewhere, in a parallel universe, that country may be a reality. And, no, I do not regret the life that has been lived instead. It simply opened -for me- a universe that was not there before. And I am grateful for this.

With the help of others, of my own living and growing experiences and, most of all, with the help of that general, slow-working balm which is called “Time”, I was able to let go of those negative feelings and begin concentrating on being “me”.  Perhaps it took a good number of years to get to this state, but the results have been positive. For me, and for those around me.

You can do it. Late hatred go. Send it on its (un)merry way as far from you as you can manage it and give yourself over to acceptance, patience, and understanding. It will be a great change, and you will profit from it.

STORIES OF MY CHILDHOOD… EL BARQUILLERO

On a balmy summer Caribbean afternoon, one of those sunny afternoons that begged for nothing to do… after all,  school was out until “next” year, the morning obligations … like going to the swimming pool to practice our competition strokes, or biking on an ice cream hunting “adventure” with our friends were over and done with, and lunch out of the way… 

It’s early in the afternoon and after downing a midday meal which -by today’s standards- would have been considered “somewhat” unhealthy, there I was sitting lazily on the cool living room floor, by the front window with a book in hand, waiting for an expected visitor to pass by. After all, what else is there to do for an eight-year-old in a non-electronic era?

- “BARQUILLAS... BARQUILLEROOO!! …” A shout that was followed by a sharp whistle, coming from someone we all loved to see, and who came by during the summertime when he knew we were all out of school, and lying in wait for his anticipated, delightful offerings. 

What is a “barquilla”, you ask? Well, a barquilla was, simply put, an old-fashioned homemade very thin waffle cone, without the ice cream. And to this day (and there have been many, many days and barquillas since then) those were the “bestest”, thinnest, crunchiest, most delightful “melt-in-your-mouth” barquillas to be had. 

But it wasn’t just the barquillas… these were well worth the wait and anticipation… But they came along with a “show” for all of us kids to enjoy. The man was -I remember- of European cut. Probably from northern Spain or perhaps somewhere else in northern Europe; fifty-some, blondish hair, tall for the times (or perhaps from a child’s perspective) and always dressed in a jean shirt and pants, topping his head with a light-colored hat. I remember his smile, which lit up anytime the kids would gather around him and clamor for his barquillas.

On his back, like a backpack, he carried a round, blue-colored metal cylinder, with a removable top. Inside the tank were the wonderful barquillas, but it was this top that held our attention and the possibilities…

On it, there was a painted-in roulette full of numbers going from 1 to 10 and perched on a thin metal rod, right at the center of these numbers, there was a spinner in the form of an arrow.

For 2 cents you would get one spin, for 5 cents there were three possibilities. We would all gather around and, one at a time, challenge the spinner and lady luck. If you paid for one spin, and the number of cones your spin came to rest on was one, he would look at the totally disappointed face of the child and, breaking into a hearty laugh, he would, in his somewhat accented Spanish, tell that child to do a second spin for free… At the end of each turn, he would fish into that tank and come up with the number of cones indicated by the spin. Always with an extra one for “good luck”. 

After we had all our turns and were loaded with our barquillas bonanza, he would hoist that tank back up, tip his hat, blow his whistle one more time, and with a great big grin would tell us… “nos vemos la próxima vez” – “We will see each other next time”. He knew we would be waiting for him, no matter when that time was. We would then, after he turned the corner with a last farewell wave and was lost to our eyes, sit on the sidewalk curb or by someone’s front door, and enjoy the fruits of our hard labor.

Did he make money? I don’t think so. I believe he did his rounds to bring joy to all of the kids in the neighborhoods he visited. And that he did; and that same joy could be seen on his face, in his sparkling eyes and in his laugh, as we loaded ourselves with his barquillas, looking forward to slowly eating them. So much so that, some 65 years later, I can still see that smile as he watched each of us spin the arrow, waiting in excitement, anticipating its stop to reveal how many cones we would get.

Loving memories of childhood… 

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·        Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·        Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

A QUOTE FROM FROST

 

Robert L. Frost was an American poet born in San Francisco in 1874. He died in Boston, in 1963. During the celebration of his 80th birthday, Frost was asked by journalist Ray Joseph: “What is the most important thing you have learned about life?” And, with the acumen of those 80 years and without a pause, Robert Frost answered:

                                                “IT GOES ON”

MY TAKE:

I have known about this quote for a while and thought it would be relatively simple to sit and weave some thoughts regarding its meaning. After all, it is short and sweet, right? Well, as it turns out, it has been one of the more difficult quotes to unravel and then put back unto the paper.

Think of it. That life goes on is an accepted truth; we know this is the way it is. That is the way our universe works and will -hopefully- continue to. Yet, if we accept it at its most basic meaning, we must also accept that we as individuals are, after all, not much more than a very small footnote in this process. Our pride, and everything we hold dear and about which we have a degree of self-satisfaction, will be rendered into a minuscule scale.

We must step outside ourselves for a moment and look at this from a different perspective. If we work from a strictly self-serving purpose in life, we will indeed be not much more than a footnote once we're no longer present. Our created memories will disappear along with their creator.

On the other hand, what we do in life, what we accomplish, the sacrifices we make, and the work we do to bring benefit not only to ourselves but to others as well, will live on once we're gone. Within our families and our friends and in our community; our legacy becomes our signature and this lives on well beyond our journey on this world. 

As we grow, we continuously learn. As we learn, we become more accomplished in what we do. As we become more accomplished, we get better results and begin to reach our goals. As we reach our goals and become successful, we must then assume different responsibilities. At this point, we should understand that the blessings we have are to be shared with those who may have less. This is only a way to express our thankfulness for that which we do have. 

The selfless work we carry on, on behalf of ourselves and others, becomes our legacy. It will be our continuing presence beyond our actual presence, as it were. Work, play, grow, learn, accomplish, and then remember to share a “slice” of what we have with those who are less fortunate than us.

I believe this is our real purpose in life: to learn we are part of a whole and not a whole unto ourselves. We share whatever we have; be it money, thoughts, knowledge, advice, or, simply, love.

Try it. The level of true accomplishment we can come to feel goes well beyond that which is generated from purely making money or having “more things”. We have truly grown when we come to understand that we can indeed leave a lasting mark, along with a legacy of goodwill and a memory of a well-spent life.

So yes, life does indeed go on. And … isn’t it beautiful that it does? It is even more so when we can say that for those around us, it will go on to a better level because of what each of us, as individuals, accomplished and willingly shared with them. 

Well, forgive this ramble. I have been thinking about this for a while and it was time to sit and get it done. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me.

Be well and, please, come back and visit once in a while...