THE PRIVILEGE OF MAKING DECISIONS.

 

NOTE FROM THE “EDITOR-IN-CHIEF”. (also known as the the loud guy, janitor, gofer and overall do-it-all person)

As a language tutor, it is indeed my privilege to get to know my students fairly well, for most of the classes are on a one-on-one basis and it gives us ample face to face time. Also, some have been with me in one way or another or some time, so there is a friendly and trusting rapport which is established along the way. This, in turn leads the classes into occasional moments of quiet conversation or even guidance efforts (no, I am not a psychologist, just an old guy with a lot of years of people management experience) and with all the needed “caveats” in place, we talk.

This was the case this morning, in an individual class. I shared this in the school’s FB page and thought that it might be worth an inclusion in this hallowed (not “hollowed”) blog.

THE PRIVILEGE OF MAKING DECISIONS.

Very often we come to think, when a decision taken in best interests does not bring the desired results, that we are no good at making decisions, that we cannot hit a desired target even if it is huge and just a couple of feet away.

Don’t berate yourself; don’t put yourself into an “I’m no good at making decisions because they are all wrong” corner. We have all made decisions which have not brought the desired results. We cannot stop living at that point, we have to go on and continue to make choices and decisions.

Earlier today I was talking with one of my "senior" students and, as she was going on about some negative issues happening, she said "these are because of all my bad decisions along the way."

I just looked at her and said, "You know, there are no good or bad decisions, just decisions."

What do I mean by this? Whenever we make a decision, we make it based on the situation at the time, the information we have at that moment about that particular situation and our assessment then, as to what this decision will mean to us in a future time. 

No one EVER makes a choice intending for it to have a negative outcome. We constantly make decisions -some routine, some more life impacting- intending to have results which will bring us to a better place than where we stand at that moment.

The eventual outcome of any decision could be one of three: 1) a good outcome, 2) could be a “no change” outcome, or 3) could be negative outcome. If it is good; all is well. If it is indifferent, you may want to reassess the original decision and make another one at that moment. However, if the outcome has been negative, then you must go through a review of where you now are and make another decision to take a different or modified path in order to correct what has not worked. 

Does this make the original decision "bad"? No. Just means that it did not bring the desired outcome. That is all. Don't label yourself as a "bad" decision maker; this will create a very negative self-image and will seriously impair your ability to trust yourself in making choices in the future. 

Sometimes you may need a good friend or more experienced trusted individual to give you some guidance but, in the end, the actual decision will have to be in your hands, not someone else's.

Trust yourself; trust in the fact you are the best equipped person to make those decisions which will affect you. 

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

KNOW WHERE YOUR TRAIN (OR SHIP) IS GOING…

 There was this doctor I came to know while living in Chile for a year of Sundays, back in the 1980’s. That stay has been explored elsewhere in these meanderings, so I will just talk about the doctor, whom I will call Patricio (a good, solid name and not uncommon in Chile). He was a general practitioner and, as such, had been well recommended to us by a common friend. This turned out to be a good recommendation for he not only became our doctor, but eventually we struck a friendship with him and his family.

After some visits to his office, followed by the eventual striking of a friendly banter relationship, one day Patricio called me and asked whether we would like to come to their home for dinner with him and his wife. This was a way to formalize the friendship, as it were, for in Chile back then (God Lord, I’m beginning to sound like an old man… Don’t you say a word!!) society was managed by certain protocols; home invitations, when extended, were indicative of a desire to become better acquainted by allowing someone from “the outside” to come into their private home and personal realm.

Does it sound much too formal? To our current, overly relaxed parameters, it may be so. At that time, however, Chile’s society was in the process of readjusting to recently found freedom, for General Pinochet had been elected out of office (although by a small margin, he accepted this as the will of the people and stepped down) and many of the movement restrictions (especially in Santiago, the capital) and curfews had been lifted. Society was re-aligning its parameters of behavior, socialization and, in general terms, of life. But it was not an immediate mental and behavioral “herd” change; it took a bit of time.

Well, back to the visit. The appointed night arrived, and we left our children in the hands of a known babysitter, as we headed for the in-town home of our dear Dr. Patricio. What to bring with us was an easy to solve question. Chile has a well-known variety of high-quality wines, so it was one of these we brought with us. We arrived at the appointed time (no social time margins, for Chileans who -unlike their Argentinian neighbors- were time conscious) and were received by the Dr. and his wife Fernanda.

We were given the ground floor tour and, being winter, eventually made it to the living room, with an open fire chimney blazing and, where on the floor and to one side, were standing two open bottles of red wine, waiting for their time to be enjoyed. Patricio noted my inquiring glance and he said – “the bottles were being kept in a small cellar, and it is cold down there; we put the bottles here to bring them up to acceptable temperature for best notes”. There is a good wine culture in that country.

We had a good and ample dinner, where poultry was the primary element. It would then usually be this or sea-based fare. Beef was not a common element in those days for a) it was expensive and b) most people did not know how to prepare it well nor had a real taste for it. As an aside, in all of Santiago there were then only two beef restaurants. Of these, the British Pub was the only one where well-prepared beef dishes could be had.

We had finished dinner and aided by the second bottle of wine, were now engaged in full conversation. As it is usual on a first visit involving people from different parts of the world, the usual “tell us about your life” questions arose. We talked about Cuba, and the different places where we had lived since leaving (my then wife was also Cuban and had left the country as a young child with her mother) as well as places where we had visited and so on.

Then it was the good Doctor’s turn to talk. “We go to Chicago almost every year, for most of my relatives live in that area; I really only have a sister here.”. I then asked him how it was so. He looked somewhat wistful and went on with the story.

-“Our family came originally from the north of Germany.” – “Sometime back in the 1880’s -he continued- three brothers decided they wanted to emigrate to the new continent, establish a family and make a living here.”

“And how did you end here and all the rest of your family up in the States?” I asked.

He looked at me and said, “Our family, for the most part, was of humble origins; there were three brothers, my grandfather being the youngest.”

Then he continued “The two older brothers left first, leaving instructions (no smart phones back then…) for my grandfather to follow them when ready, to go to the port city and get onboard the ship that was going to America.”

“So he did” he continued… “about a month after his brothers had left, and after making ready, he went on to port where he was able to get -in exchange for work- a berth in a ship that was leaving for America”

Then he stopped for a moment, had a sip of wine, smiled and said “he never bothered asking where the ship was going, so no one told him its destiny was South America. Buenos Aires, to be exact.”

“Eventually he crossed over to Santiago and settled.” “And here we are.”

So, the moral of the story is… before you get on the train or, as in this case the ship, make sure you know it is going to the same place where you want to go.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com

Wally’s Pond. A Perspective for a New Year

 

It has been sometime since I last sat by the water at Wally’s Pond. For those of you who have not been to Wally’s Pond before (actually, you have all been invited … you just haven’t joined me), let me tell you that it is a placid, tranquil place where the water is clean and clear, the birds chirp, there are no outside noises and it never rains. And in case you have not guessed it, this wonderful place is in my mind; the place where I sometimes manage to hide for a little while from all the unwanted events that are happening around me. And God only knows there have been plenty of those resonating in the last few months.

At my age, it is an achievement of sorts to be able to get by without any medications at all. Or so the doctors tell me. Blood pressure, heartbeat, oxygen count … check. Cholesterol, a tad high … not enough to worry about it. Weight … being managed. Yes, a few too many apple pies with ice cream but, hey … if we have to go down, let’s enjoy it!! 

The only way all these several health fronts are being held in abeyance on a continuing basis, is by retreating occasionally to this place of calmness where nothing annoying is allowed. And believe me, this is no easy task when surrounded by family, inside and outside problems, phone calls, deadlines and, yes, a cat and a dog staying here for a while. Notice I did not include “work” in that list. Luckily, my work is very enjoyable, so it actually allows me some time away from the other issues. 

In any event, it is only fitting that during the early part of the year you will find me here. There is so much to think about, so many knots to try and unravel. The funny thing is that, after sitting down at the water’s edge for a while, the knots begin to unravel without much effort and the view begins to clear.

Does this mean that there are now answers galore, where there were nothing but questions before?

No. Not really. What it means (to me, at least) is that perhaps all those issues clouding my mind are being shown to be not so important. That perhaps I can’t answer or solve all the problems of the known universe around me, that there are many of these that are within the purview of others and not mine to deal with.

Eventually, when this truth becomes clear and it is accepted, there comes a moment of calm and of understanding. Understanding that tells me that, no matter how much I may try to solve someone else’s problems, if the root of the problem within that person is not corrected by that very individual (something no one else can do for him/her) it will just grow and flourish again, and again.

It also becomes apparent that there are issues and shortcomings within myself I can correct and others which I may not be able to. The first batch will be dealt with, as quickly as possible. As far as the second batch, I must learn to accept them and work with them; to make them as least intrusive as possible, as time and self-awareness may allow this to be done. 

Finally, there are those other always present and “looming” issues which, after some scrutiny, are shown to be non important. Guess what? They immediately go into the disposal area of the mind, to be forgotten.

So, do you understand just how important is this pond to my own mental health? Not to mention keeping that blood pressure and heartbeat in check. Try it sometime. Find a spot where you can get away within yourself, even for a few minutes; whether you call it meditation or simply mental wanderings with a purpose, it will work wonders for you.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com