Selfishness is an attitude... as with love, there is good and not good. This blog is about the good kind, strange as this concept may seem. It took me a lifetime to find this out and major changes in my life to accept and embrace the concept.
The life cycle is, unquestionably, fascinating. As we begin the process of growing up, we are sure that we know all there is… As we get older and grow into middle and then latter years we come to realize that the more experience we gather in our journey, the more we learn how little it is what we truly know. Interestingly, by simply accepting this basic fact, a person can grow in knowledge and understanding of life’s quirky ways.
The life cycle is, unquestionably, fascinating. As we begin the process of growing up, we are sure that we know all there is… As we get older and grow into middle and then latter years we come to realize that the more experience we gather in our journey, the more we learn how little it is what we truly know. Interestingly, by simply accepting this basic fact, a person can grow in knowledge and understanding of life’s quirky ways.
These last four years have been watershed years for me. Funny, at age 64 (just received my Medicare card, to remind me that it will be 65 soon!!) one, I think, should be looking at a continuum, not at a new beginning. On the other hand, continuums tend to be boring; beginnings are fun…
If I have to identify a start point to this period of time, it has to be the day I was informed that my prostate was hosting a number of unwelcome guests, in the form of rapidly multiplying cancer cells. When I was first told, my mind did a crude interpretation of that movie character who kept repeating the question: “Are you talking to me?” (was it DeNiro?) In other words, my mind sort of refused to accept this unwanted fact, even though a “friendly” prostate exam, followed by a not so “friendly” biopsy, confirmed this reality. I will not go into the subsequent mental dive I took (due in large part to these news and in other parts to personal issues going on at the time) during the next 4-6 months; that has been explored somewhere else in these blogs (I think; if not, maybe it will be fodder for a future blog). Suffice it to say that the time spent “in-between”, the several eventual procedures done to my body including the needed radiation treatments, and the different rehab times for each one of the areas treated, culminated on my having a new understanding and a new lease on life. For this, and many other blessings, I will always be extremely grateful.
My journey has not been unique. Millions have traveled the same or much worse roads; many have not been as lucky to make it through. What is about to be expressed here, only reflects my personal views; I cannot even attempt to talk on behalf of others. I am sure that each person who has gone through this road and survived to go on to more pleasant meanderings, has his/her own views.
Life moments (especially when they last 4 years) will change one in many ways. Some changes are direct and immediate; some are more subtle and will take longer to surface. For me, a very definite change of attitude is that I have come to understand that it is my duty to take care of my own needs before taking care of the needs of others, including those who may depend on me. This is a simple statement; its profound meaning and ramifications have taken me a lifetime to grasp and accept. To be able to express it out loud is only the result of these last four years. To some, this is a very selfish attitude. Sometime ago, it would have that connotation for me as well. Yet, this is the most unselfish manner in which to live and to be able to freely share my life and enjoy doing so. Why?
In order to share, I must first have. And we do not necessarily talk about material things here; those come and go with the tides. If my heart and life are empty, there is nothing for me to give, to share with someone else. On the other hand, if I have taken care to fulfill my own personal needs and have a life that is full and a heart which has plenty of joy and love, then I can truly share and make someone else feel loved, happy and joyful. This is such a simple matter, and so difficult to accept. It goes against all that is drilled into us from the very beginning: think about others before thinking about your own needs. This is a living mantra which becomes, for many, a huge anchor that is dragged on through life.
If one is unhappy, one can only share unhappiness; if one is bitter, one can only share bitterness; if one is full of sacrifices, one can only share sacrifices and resentments; if one is an empty vessel, one can only share that terrible emptiness… or nothing at all.
Go ahead. Without forgetting those things which are yours to do, take some time every day and think of yourself; fill your heart and your life with joy, with love and with blessings… then you will truly be able to unselfishly share these wonders with others around you.
Be Well!! Be Back!!.
RJA
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