Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Understanding English… (NOT!!!)


As a sometimes ESL teacher, it is my appointed duty to bring understanding of this language to many who sometimes, just shake their heads up in the process of learning this somewhat convoluted tongue we speaketh… (or some such…)

It is more of a crazy language than you might think. After all, it is a handed down hybrid of a language which has roots in Latin, Welsh, German, of course Anglo Saxon and other such original idioms. And in our country, with its storied life during which people from just about every country in the world has come to roost this, Our English, has become a repository of bits and pieces of each and every one of them. Yes, Our English. Remember: for our British Brethren we are those Yanks who speak with a funny accent. And who say funny things. And who reahlly, deah… can’t speak the language in a propah manneh!! Then, of course there are those Aussies and Kiwis somewhere down at the end of the world...

Anyway, let’s take a look at some of the incongruities of our language. I would like to take credit for these, but most are not mine. I have found them in groups or separately but the end result is great…

Did you know there is no egg in eggplant?... or apple or pine in a pineapple…?  Sweetmeats are candies but sweetbreads are meat… Quicksand takes its slow time to let you sink, boxing rings are square and, guess what…? the guinea pig is neither a pig nor does it come from Guinea. If you have more than one tooth, you have teeth so… why don’t we have a bunch of “beeth” when there is more than one booth? Or, for that matter, if we get two geese, why not two “meese”…? But then, you can make amends but can’t just amend one issue…

If you have a whole bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one… what would you call this? Teachers taught… didn’t preachers praught?  By the way… a vegetarian eats vegetables but… what does a humanitarian eat?

Have you ever recited at a play or, better yet, has someone you know played at a recital? But then, we ship by truck and send cargo by ship.

We speak a language where a “slim” chance means the same thing as a “fat” chance and yet, a wise guy is the total opposite of a wise man. Perhaps one of them can explain why a house burns up while it is burning down…  And then you have to fill in the report form while you fill it out. And while the house was burning, the alarm went off by going “on”.

And while we are constantly adding new words which now come, mainly, from the cybernetic universe, English was created by men, reflecting the creativity of the human race which… of course, is not running a race at all.  But it certainly clears up why the stars are visible when they are out but when lights are out, they are… yep, you guessed it… invisible.

I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I…  these are some of the little things which make teaching this funny, crazy language taxing at times… no, I don’t mean those other taxes…

And while we are enjoying this bit of … whatever you want to call it… Would someone please explain to me why our noses run while our feet smell????

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:
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