“Recovery” is a loose term which encompasses many of one’s
attempts to right something that has gone wrong… physically, emotionally,
economically and sometimes, a bit of all three combined.
This June will mark the 5th anniversary
of my arrival in Charlotte, NC. No fanfares, no welcoming committee; this was
not the arrival of a visiting dignitary… more like the coming to town of
someone who maybe got off the bus by mistake, not knowing if this was the right
place or not.
I called my brother from one of the bus station’s
payphones. One of the few areas where these were then still available and a
reminder that most folk who regularly come through here, cannot afford to
have cell phone services. As was my case then. My brother asked me to wait outside,
he and his wife were on their way.
Since the “family” reunion was already covered in
“Part 1” of these entries some time ago, I won’t go into it again. I think best
to fast forward to that point where my wife and I re-met after some months
separation, as she had stayed in Miami when I came to Charlotte, and we had
already been apart for the last 2 – 3 months of my life in that city.
We had a lot of ground to cover.
Was it all to the good? It never is all to either
side. I will say there was more to the good than to the bad; as there were
areas which could be called non-definitive. There were very difficult times ahead, some we were aware of and others that hit from the blind side, no
warnings, no pity.
She drove all night and all day, stopping every
once in a while to rest, eat something, continue to smoke (she has stopped this habit since coming up, I’m glad to say) and
to get her bearings. Also to figure out whether this trip had been a good idea
or… not. Thinking all 20 travel hours as to whether this was a worthy effort. My truer
instincts tell me that the fight was, within herself, as to what might be more
difficult to survive… coming here and reuniting with me or returning to
whatever mess had been left behind.
The first 18 months after our reunion brought three
surgeries, one a major one, and a 2 1/2 month long cancer treatment, a treatment
which would bring side effects we would have to deal with as a couple. On the
other hand, on the plus side of the ledger, this unwelcome visitor has been
kept at bay since then. And no, I don’t refer to my wife… I’m talking about our
friendly CA.
After all seemed to be settling down, getting on to
be the latter part of 2011, I received a late phone call which would change my
life. When I saw the caller ID and realized it was my ex wife, what came to
mind was that her mother had finally passed away. These would be sad news
indeed, for she was a dear person but, because of her long lasting bout with
Alzheimer’s, the news had been expected for some time.
-“Hi Rafe” came a very upset voice over the phone…
-“I have some very bad news for you”…
- “Hi” I answered… “Is this about your mom?”
-“No… worse yet… much worse…” she said… “Eric was
in an accident”
-“What happened?” I cried back… Eric was our son,
who was finally making headway after a very long and difficult period in his
life… -“Is he in the hospital?”
-“No Rafe… he is gone… he died…”
There isn't much I can add to these words which, no
matter how long a time may pass, will stay in my mind as the worst news I have
received in my life… I know death is part of life, an end which is inevitable
but it is very difficult to bury one’s child…
Time has once again done its part in taking away the
worst of this loss; but there is not enough in a lifetime to take the pain
fully away.
Being here in Charlotte, with my wife and friends
has been very helpful throughout this process; it has been a balm of sorts
which prepared me mentally for this very difficult stretch of emotional roller
coasting after all the physical treatment and cures.
When he heard about my son's death, a friend asked me… “how can you continue
to believe in God after this loss?”
“More than ever, I do” was my answer; “He has never
abandoned me and is continuing to hold my hand”. This was sometime ago; since
then, this belief has been reaffirmed in my heart and mind.
And life is beginning to smile again in many
fronts… still holding back on others, though…
Be
Well … Be Back!!!
Final Notes:
- Pray for those who are fighting an illness
which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard,
and counts!!
- Follow us on Twitter …
@RJAsPandora
- Any comments please send to otherboxp@yahoo.com
- “La Otra Caja de Pandora”… The Spanish language Blog… “otracaja.blogspot.com” … Bienvenidos!!!
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