What If…

There are those moments when all crickets quiet down, when the mind begins to drift and questions come unbidden…

One of those questions is, inevitably, the one that appears on the title line and this is a question which sets our mind into a sometimes lonely memory trip. A trip down a road which is full of potential falls and of misunderstandings yet, full of lessons as well.

What if… childhood dreams had been attained in the same country where I was born and where all those dreams were forged…

What if… a family that was torn apart (as thousands were in my homeland as well as in many other places, times and lives) had been allowed to stay together…

What if… people who were a part of our lives as growing up teens had been kept in the fold of our living…

What if… plans made along the way had been able to be completed… at least to some extent, instead of having more often than not to –and not always voluntarily- change or forget them…

What if… a life which has spanned almost seven decades had been allowed to do so in one place, with one direction, rather than being forged in a changing and multidirectional world…

What if… those who shared a dream with us had been allowed to be there at waking time…

What if… we actually had some say in what life and destiny has planned to send our way…

As we (OK, Ok… as “I”) sit and wonder at possible answers to these questions and all the others which perforce come along for the ride, the mental environment becomes a philosophical tour de force. Everything in question is questioned; everything becomes part of a nebulous “Why?”… We are, in a Biblical sense, reassured that it all becomes clear at some point… the “right” point… yet, after all these years (a fractional nanosecond in cosmic times, to be sure) it is still in doubt that any concrete answer at all will be forthcoming; at least in this lifetime…

What brings about this kind of melancholic ruminating? (Hmmm… like that?) It could be many issues… in this case, the trigger has been looking back at three (related) lives which were supposed to have, upon coming to this world, a defined path to follow; instead, they have been thrust upon meandering roads which, at times, seemed to have had no clear objective at all. In honor to the truth and at least in my case, I have to admit that some of these meanderings were the direct result of my own misguided decisions… but then again, were these part of an overall plan as well?... or were they missteps at a moment in time when I should have “heaved” but “hoed” instead?

Do you know the answer to that last question, as it might relate to your own life? 

I sure don’t… as it relates to mine, of course…

Sitting and thinking about the “What Ifs” of life, it becomes clearer in my mind that asking these basically unanswerable questions doesn’t really bring about any change… what is already in the past cannot be changed anyway; but this exercise just may help me make some of the many, many other decisions yet to be made along the course of the rest of my life. And, who knows?... I might actually hit the bull’s eye in some of them… I haven’t lost hope yet…   ;-)

Along with this thinking comes the realization that, in order to have made so many mistakes (and to have also done so many things right) a few years must have passed by. And it is great to anticipate that many more are yet to come, for I know I have to be able to put into practice all these wonderful experiences and convert them into positive results. At heart, I will always be that child of long ago full of wonder and full of curiosity and, yes… also questioning anyone who thinks he/she has all the answers.

You and I know this isn’t so.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

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