Changing Diapers. Figuratively speaking.

One of the great advantages of having survived the diagnosis and subsequent treatment (with all the short term/long term ramifications involved) of a cancer, along with a couple or three major surgeries to replace bone parts which had been worn out from use and abuse over the years, is that I have learned to look at the world around me with a somewhat more encompassing, yet skeptical eye. Sometimes approving, sometimes unbelieving, sometimes from a comical relief viewpoint. But always taking all details in, even when it doesn’t seem to be so. 

I find it fascinating that today, those objects that were “Oh-so-important” some years ago, are now just things to be appreciated; enjoyed if available and -if not- enjoyed from afar. Without jealousy, regrets or envy. I don’t know if this is a sign of maturity or conformity. Some folks do use this last term in the form of an attack, as in: “you are a CONFORMIST!!” whenever a person is willing to enjoy what he or she has at any particular time, without going crazy about doing more in order to get what he/she doesn’t really think he or she needs or wants.

If being a conformist means to be able to enjoy the here and now, without undue suffering for what is not available right at this moment, then so be it … I declare myself such an animal. 

Now that we have settled that issue, let’s go on to another word also found in that paragraph and which causes so much angst and pain to so many who fall under its spell: Regret(s).

What is Regret? These are some of the words that can be found in a Thesaurus under “regret”:  Remorse, guilt, shame, grief, distress, lament, be unhappy, be sorry.

As you can tell, there isn’t a single one of these words that in any way imaginable could be interpreted as a good thing to go through, feel, or even consider enjoying or enjoyable. So, in my newly appreciated state of enlightenment, this is a word I have erased from my vocabulary. Truly erased.

Does this mean I have never made a wrong decision? Far from it. My life is populated by bad decisions; some minor, some not so minor. Do I say there are absolutely no regrets when things have gone wrong? Not entirely. There have been regrets as far as my decisions may have negatively affected and/or hurt others. For them, yes, there are regrets. For myself? Not so. After reviewing my memory bank (not to be confused with the word “memoirs” which imply an exchange of money for your ability to read and partake of them), I came to understand these were decisions made based on circumstances of the moment, with available knowledge at the time and reasonable anticipation of probable results. 

Any negative impact on others was an unfortunate by-product of a failed course of action, and most definitely not an intended result.

So, why no regrets?  When one is feeling constant regrets over a course of action taken, one is doomed to live and re-live that course of action in his/her mind. It becomes a never-ending loop in time, where we can easily become trapped. I have informally spoken with some “connoisseurs” on this issue, and their collective thinking tends to agree on the probability of getting stuck in the past with the phrase “if I had not done this …” in any of its many variants being repeated over and again.

I have known some folks so enshrined in this behavior, that they lose concept of their present and their future. This is not a good way to live. If the results of any given action were negative, the consequences will be present for a length of time which, on occasion, could be a long one. We can try to repair the damage whenever possible or make amends if needed, but whatever action took place in the past, is done and gone. And usually, that which was done, cannot be undone.

I have learned as so should you, to pass the pages in the book of life, to finish the chapters, to close those chapters and to begin a new one. Every time. Life is a continuum and so should be our passing through it. It is often a difficult road to traverse and we cannot afford to make it even more difficult, by allowing our minds to become afraid of the present and the future because we are mired in past mistakes.

Accept them, show the desire to fix consequences when this is possible (can’t always do it, accept this as well), learn from what happened, re-focus your point of view and your direction of travel, then go ahead into a new chapter of your life and begin to write it on a pristine, blank piece of virtual paper.

Be Well … Be Back!!!

Final Notes:

·       Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!   

·       Any comments please send to rjalcazar@gmail.com