Retaking a Normal Life...

It is said that it is best to, in order to be able to put life’s truly bitter moments behind, immerse oneself in whatever it is that will occupy the mind and –in this case- the heart as well. While there is really no possible way to ever fully put behind the events of this past week, we must go on; we must continue to struggle with our newly accented difficult circumstances and learn to cope with them at a functional level.  If  I do not do this, I am going to defile what my son’s life meant to me and this will not be done, so I will do what must be done.

It will never cease to amaze me as to the incredible and truly unfortunate relevance of the different issues we liked to discuss and to “argue” about of late (albeit in a friendly and joking manner) whenever we had a chance to talk; whether in person (far too few times since I came to NC) or on the phone. This last communication medium allowed us to talk to each other for long periods of time; Eric really enjoyed being “mind tickled” and liked to be pushed to coming up with possibilities ... about anything … the immediate topic could be irrelevant, it was the actual discussion that kept him going. In doing this, he truly pushed me along as well. I have had the pleasure of meeting good minds in the four corners of the world along the way, during these last 40 years or so. I have enjoyed discussions over coffee, wine, tequila, vodka, pisco, tea … even plain water … my early training and constant reading allowed me to hold my own in many of these encounters but when “whipped”, it became truly a learning experience … fascinating and enlightening. Eric was and felt the same way. He enjoyed going into esoteric territories and discussing issues which, to most people, were simply a “waste of time” or “not grounded in real life”.

What, or who, is to say those things that belong to “real life” and those which do not? Is it a defined boundary or a defined point of view? Being this last the case, than it all belongs in "real life", since we are all of it. As far as I am concerned, there are no limits to what the mind can, or should, explore and visualize. If my memory serves me right, a bright guy once said; “Imagination is more important than knowledge” … his name? Albert Einstein … Wanna argue with him about knowledge? … Or reality? … Didn’t think so …

Ever since the moment we come to being able to undestand, we are bound on all sides by norms and parameters … what’s “good” and what’s “wrong”. We are taught in our schools about what not to do, rather than about what we can do. Then, as a child grows up, all taboos fall in line and confine his being and his mind. And whenever, once in a while, a bright and inquisitive mind develops and wants to explore all that could be, (yes, I fully understand that this could be humanly impossible to do… but much fun in the trying!!) then it is treated like a pariah and shunned aside by the bulk of the functional sheep who, while bleating out loud, know nothing other than to unquestioningly follow someone else. Someone who managed to go beyond the immediate envelope and who is afraid to allow any follower to do the same … Job security, you know… This has been a point of argument for me since I have mind to remember; probably since at age 8, when I was told by a religious figure that my grandfather, the man who brought me up, would never be received in Haven for he was a Mason. Rather than turn my back and run scared, my response was something to the effect that, if my grandfather could not go there then it wasn’t good enough for me either. This earned me a long stint counting cracks on the column outside the classroom.

When Eric and I would get involved in some of these discussions, he reminded me of self, many years ago. It downed on me, relatively early on in his life, that his mind would be a source of potential problems for him. Never, ever, truly anticipating just how deeply into despair these troubles would take him. His incredible intelligence, intellect and constant inquisitiveness were more than his reasoning ability could handle. His mind reacted by creating, little by little, a world of its own. No, he wasn’t crazy by any means … he was a too bright child who could not understand what was going on around him, or why he was being treated differently by his peers.

This is not a treatise on the negative issues my son lived through; rather, a plea for anyone who may read the entry and who may be dealing with a child who seems to be insatiable in his/her quest for knowledge of all issues, not just school. A child who may be a little slower in reacting than others around him; don’t assume this slowness is due to a less than normal mind; on the contrary, it may be the reaction of a mind that takes in more than your own and takes the time to explore mentally what if, and what could be. Remember that “abnormal” does not necessarily always mean less than normal … it also means that which is greater than normal. And, in either case, it must be dealt with accordingly.

Look around you; touch the person you love … don’t be afraid to hold that person to your heart and to say “I love you”… Just three days prior to my son’s death, we had a very long conversation and, at the end, I had the blessing of being able to say and to hear those words … “I Love You!!” without knowing it would be the last time. I will hold that conversation in my mind and heart for the rest of my life and I do thank Our Father for that beautiful moment.

Be Well … Be Back!! 

Final Notes:

• Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!
• Any comments please send to otherboxp@yahoo.com; it comes directly to me. I promise to read all coming messages, and answer as many as I can.
• Remember:  We are “On Air” every Sunday night at 6:30pm EST (GT –5hrs).  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/theotherbox If the link does not work, please just copy and paste to your address bar. (last week we did not go “on air” … we’ll be back this week)