One Day at a Time…

The above, the working motto of every addict in recovery (a lifetime journey), applies to personal situations as well. Especially when those situations touch the core of the individual, rocking the foundations of faith, of living, of believing.

I have to admit that, in this area, much was learned from my son as well as from the many people who crossed my life path through him, and who were undergoing the same struggles he was. The concept of managing pain, anger, angst and just plain simple shock, goes back to minute by minute mind control. No, I do not refer to the kind of control which leads to forgetting what is the cause of this unbalance … that would be very selfish and impossible to do. I refer to the type of mind “control” which allows the process of digesting, accepting and, eventually, learning to coexist with what has happened.  

Yes, we must come back to regular days and regular life, whatever that means. There is work to do, bills to pay, people to see and talk to… this last is perhaps a very difficult aspect of the healing process. Our friends have been constantly on the phone, whether calling or texting. My wife has taken it upon herself to be a “filter”, understanding that in trying to cope with such a difficult issue the best intended callers will, every time, bring back to life that horrendous moment and its consequences and this will not aid in the healing process.  Do they mean to create more pain? Of course not … they mean to let us (me) know that their support is there and that their prayers are present. These I will accept gladly, and encourage. But it is important to understand that there is little to be gained by “reliving” what has happened; be it in this particular case, or in any other similar one.

In talking with a Pastor friend he was telling me that, while it would be impossible to actually regain 100% of what we were before the loss, it was very important to stop, at a given point, asking the question Why?

The reason, he explained is twofold:

-    Chances are we will never have a coherent answer, because there were several aspects of the events leading to the accident which are incongruent with what we knew his good riding safety record had been. Any possible explanations he took with him; 

-        The more we try to answer these questions, without success, the further we will sink into despair and anger. This could eventually be a source for our own downfall as people.

These reasons are true; we, as his family, want answers that cannot really be obtained; in the process we become angrier with life and stop living it. It becomes simply a tiresome existence, and  this would be a great disservice to the memory of our son.

Yesterday, his ashes were strewn over the ocean. His sister tells me that the skies were cloudy but, for a moment after the ashes went into the water, there was a break in the clouds and the sun came through. Yes, I know … but it is comforting to think this was his spirit just letting them (and me through them) know that there was peace and beauty.  

A chapter closes on a life; the chapters in the book of the living continue to be written on the others lives around that one. Every page on those continuing chapters will have, inevitably, a touch from that other essence, the one that got away. This is the way it should be; not the pain which will eventually subside, but the loving manner in which his presence among us will be remembered and cherished. 

...One day at a time …

Be well … Be Back!!

Final Notes:

• Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!
• Any comments please send to otherboxp@yahoo.com; it comes directly to me. I promise to read all coming messages, and answer as many as I can.
• Remember:  We are “On Air” every Sunday night at 6:30pm EST (GT –5hrs).  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/theotherbox If the link does not work, please just copy and paste to your address bar. (last week we did not go “on air” … we’ll be back this week)