Do You Remember …

When your biggest struggle was making it through math class? … When the happiest moments were those spent with friends doing … well, nothing? …  When every day was made up of little things which added up to a good day spent? …

No, I am not going all wistful on you; but I do believe that it is important as we grow into adulthood’s many stages (can’t say final, for we all too well know that calling this particular one is something not within our mandate) to remember those simple things which made us happy at earlier moments in life. Childhood is a time for being, well, children like … or not? In our society we have become accustomed to control and rule every waking moment of our children; time for school, time to study and do homework, time for sports or like, time for … whatever …

Yes ... even a tantrum is part of it

 How about time for the child to be a child, to just loaf and let his/her imagination grow and fly, to play some mischief on the unsuspecting adults around, to be sharing with friends who are doing exactly the same thing … After all, these are the special moments which will serve as a base that, along with all other experiences and learned responsibilities, will allow the child to become a “balanced” adult (as well as this term could be explained or understood) who remembers a happy childhood. That when thinking about those growing periods, the memories are not of just another part of life which was dominated by time pressures which come, usually, from the adults’ own needs and time demands. 

Horsing around is important...

Along the “timeline” (thanks FB, for re-creating a term which was already there and forgotten) of life, there are moments that give us strength in victory(ies), and moments which create a feeling of ineptitude and failure. Each one counts in the development of who we are, as we become older and “wiser” (not to be confused with “odder and woozier”) in dealing with whatever new circumstances come our way.

 In writing whatever commentaries come out in these posts, I can only rely on my own time and experiences gained. There have been moments in which I, as we have all done from time to time, question the circumstances which surround my existence at a particular moment in life. No, it is not a “Why?” or “Why Me?” but, rather, a reflection on the chain of decisions and/or events which put me there, at that point in time. There have been moments in which my ability to go back and remember a relatively good childhood, albeit in a truncated family, has given me a basic strength to face certain issues, knowing there were other and prior generations of family members who passed on to me their own experiences.

Thinking time

They gave me a pretty solid base and, along with those simpler times which allowed me to explore my feelings –perhaps without realizing this was being done then- a core was being formed then to help me along in my later, adult life.

Where is this all going to? As usual, there is a tailspin to these ramblings… As we raise our children, we do so in an environment which is growing more and more demanding each day, with each new discovery and each new development placing their mark on us and our children. No, there are no books which will allow anyone to be a perfect parent; the “real life” version of this concept just does not exist. Yet, each new generation of young parents strives to be and to show others they can be just that, surrounding themselves in books –often contradictory in their message(s)- from several specialists in the subject matter who, often and somewhat dauntingly, have learned their experiences from other books since they have no children of their own.  Huh??

Creating "little adults"
is not the answer

I know… we did the same in the beginning. Remember those classes and the defined and very weighty comments from the moderators who, in looking serious and deeply in thought, usually managed to project an image of sapience and practical experience most of them just did not have? Looking back, we were the fools. Not them; they collected their fees happily. There are no proven child rearing rulebooks folks; the only rule of thumb is to pass on to the child our own experiences, good and bad … And to allow them to be and grow in their own experiences, with our guidance, of course. Until eventually, they are ready to try and fly on their own.

With guidance, they will grow...

In going through this family process, the growing children are usually able to create a stronger base; a base which, when their own time comes to experience and manage the good and bad moments (often in “just” dealing with the potentially damaging peer pressure) may give them some balance with which to face them. And allow them the earned respect and luxury of sharing this with the parents who so taught them or, if they have gone on, to remember their teachings and their shared experiences.

Yes, school is ever important, for this knowledge will prepare them for the adult world’s financial demands. The other knowledge, the anecdotal one coming directly from parents and grandparents will prepare them to know and face themselves and their own weaknesses and strengths during difficult personal moments and this, is a much more stern trial than anything adult society may demand. Love your children, guide them, teach them and give them feely of your own experiences, even those you may think not worth sharing. Sometimes this knowledge of failed times is the one which may help the most.

But always with love...

Remember … we, as parents, are really not much more than stewards of our children’s time during the early part of their lives. Use this stewardship to the furthest limits you can, in order to give them a fighting chance to be, to become and to then pass their own book of life (which will include a good bit of their parent’s book of life as well) on their children. Even with our best efforts there are no guarantees, just the possibility of opportunities.

Be Well …  Be Back!!

Final Notes:

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