There is a Logical Sequence in Life.

There are moments in life when Whys and What Ifs come to play as questions which are formulated, full knowing that answers will not really be forthcoming…

…yet, as time then goes on in its merry(?) way, we may actually get a glimpse of some of the potential answers to a few of these questions, formulated along the way.

Years ago as my sister and I left or, rather, were sent out of our home country, there were many questions which were asked in our (at least my) mind(s). Is there a reason for this, or that? Why must we leave everything we hold dear behind? Will we ever see our family again? And many other such queries.  Of course, there were no answers. And, even if there had been some, our understanding was not up to snuff at the time to even begin to absorb any possible response which might have come our way.

As my life (and I have to report on “my” life, for I did not live my sister’s life) went on in this country, there were to be many more occasions when these inquiries, unanswered as usual, would be formulated. Little by little, I learned not to ask the rhetorical questions any more. As some sort of maturity was achieved and as years went by, the level of experience gained helped me understand that there is a cogent manipulation of life by a higher entity (authority?) ... perhaps the same who ruled over Perdue’s Kosher chicken empire. I can look back now over some 65 years of living which in the “cosmic” experience is truly a blink of an eye but, to us humans who inhabit this life’s physical plane, is a long time. A lot has happened in this span of years; in the end, I would like to think that the balance is favorable, perhaps not by much, but it manages to tilt the right way … I think …

What I am coming to in this somewhat philosophical rambling, is that I have begun to perhaps, get a glimpse of some of those answers to some of the questions that have been posed along the way. Yes, there have been moments of suffering as well as moments of exultation and, in each instance some insight may have been gained about a specific situation. Funny thing … often I have not even understood about this gain until some later moment in which another set of circumstances brings it to the fore, helping to make a decision which is more certain that it would have been possible, without the previously gained experience or insight. We often do not even realize the importance of the accumulated knowledge gained over the years.

Often, we hear a wistful saying “Youth is wasted on the young”… Yet, as another saying, recently read, also says “before you can be old and wise, you must first be young and foolish”. This learning process of life is in place, in a logical sequence. As “foolish young’uns” we do many things and explore many areas which were we prepared beforehand, we would not venture into doing; many mistakes are made … and lessons are learned. Hopefully, as years go by and experience is gained, fewer mistakes will be made … unfortunately, we shall never attain the state of “no mistakes”. At least not in this life … As these lessons, and some of them are very painful indeed, are lived through, it is then up to each one of us to try and figure out what its meaning is and how this can be used to lessen the impact of future issues faced, and to improve our “right decision” percentile.

These past two weeks have been a time of much reflection. Not understanding, or even asking a ... why? ... just reflection. My son’s death seemed to be such a needless loss, as any other accidental early death would be deemed, that it defied any logical reasoning. At least the logic we have available in this life, as we humans try to deal in realms which we truly do not understand. There had to be a strong set of coincidences and circumstances that put him there, at this unusual time (for him) in an (still) unknown quest. Yes, it was an accident but, when it is all taken into account, an accident is nothing more than a set of circumstances coming together, but which can each be dependent on a myriad of variables that would have produced a different result … including the absence of an accident. So what about other, apparently non logical sequences?

Eric with Abeba in her waning years ...
Their smile says it all!!!

 My son’s maternal grandmother had been a beacon in his life. She provided for him a constant light which, no matter what was going on at any given time, would be always there for him to set his mental coordinates. If there was truly a loving and caring individual, it was her and if there was truly a loving relationship, it was theirs. She had, some ten years or so ago, gone into that sub-realm of life which is created by Alzheimer’s, having really evolved into physical deterioration over the last 3 years or so. But her essence was there, and Eric would go visit her and just sit there. She was still, even in her non-state of mind, his beacon of light. Of all who may have gone to visit with her, the only one who would get a smile of recognition would be her adored grandson. That strong was their bond.

I had questioned at times, Why? Why is she still here and suffering, when she truly deserved to be at peace and resting after more than eight decades of life’s not so gentle management? Of course, no answers came. Yet, after Eric’s death, and after her having held on for such a long, almost unexplained time, she was gone within a few days. What was her reason for still being with us until, it seemed, making sure her grandson was now resting at peace?  What follows is pure speculation, but I believe there is base for these assumptions.

Eric had a difficult life, it is true. He had managed to show an unknown, for him, strength of character in beating back his addiction, a strength which surprised many who did not know him well. Yet, the struggles were difficult and never ceased. He was at times tired and frustrated … his psyche was still very fragile; his one true north was still his “Abeba”, his grandmother. He knew her death could happen at any moment; we even discussed at one time or another that it was perhaps overdue, that she was suffering needlessly; we even talked about this in our conversation, three days before his accident. Yet, he was terrified of this happening. .  He did not know how he would cope with this event, her death. How he could… In a recovering addict’s life it does not take a major issue, at any given point in time, to push him/her over the edge, back into a freefall. Her death might have been just such an impacting, jarring emotional hit for him. So, in the turn of events, perhaps he accomplished what he was supposed to have done in his stay with us; it was time for these set of circumstances that created the accident, to happen. It was time, for his Abeba had to go as well, and her going before him might have sent him back, back to the life of suffering he had so strongly and valiantly battled to escape.  

Do we have the answers? No, we really do not. We can only hope to make some sense of a set of circumstances, as they create a reality and about the order in which they so did. Is there a logical sequence in life? My take is that there is; we may not understand it when events do happen, we can only hope to be able to accept them and to go on, allowing for the fact that there is indeed a guiding hand.  

Be well… Be Back!!

Final Notes:

• Pray for those who are fighting an illness which may take them away from their loved ones… Every request is heard, and counts!!
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