Saturday Into Sunday Morning... and Monday too...

It can be somewhat frustrating to get up on a Saturday morning after having had little enough sleep the night before. The mind is a bit muddled and the streams of consciousness, confused as they may be, seem to be flowing in their own, separate directions…

No, I wasn’t drinking; it was just one of those nights where the mind goes into a self induced overdrive and refuses to allow Morpheus to get his arms about me; these do happen every once in a while. It was well past 4 in the am before finally I was allowed to drift off. So, when the alarm clock went into its rendition of “Cajun Fiddle Music” (yeah, this Cuban loves his Cajun music well served, with a little spice on the side) this morning, (being a Saturday, it thankfully goes off about 2 hours later than during the week) sleep time had been relatively short. After grudgingly making it to the shower, I managed to come out somewhat more human than when I felt my way in (sort off). Then, while checking my email and getting ready to get on with the day’s activities, my mind began to go through the different cycles it had moved into and around last night, while waiting for sleep to take me… (this last is a little like watching water boil; the more you do it, the less it happens).

There were the continuing, it seems, news about more bodies being found somewhere along the roads of Veracruz in Mexico; all these deaths related to the illegal traffic of humans and drugs. Having several dear friends in this beautiful country, where much time was spent in the 80’s and into the early 90’s, sadness was felt on a personal level. Even more than this, frustration and anger really came through. How could it be possible that corruption is so deeply seated that the higher echelons of public service are so totally ineffective –intentionally, it seems at times to be- in carrying out what amounts to a first line defense of the future of their homeland against a, by now, declared internal war?  Is it lack of care?  Or perhaps is it an issue of much money exchanging hands?  Other than this last, there would seem to be no logical explanation. What is apparently clear it that the value of a human life keeps getting lower and lower amongst these circles.

The Republican presidential hopefuls went into another debate, as part of their continuing show ‘n tell cycle, and the press is declaring winners and losers. To me, it is just another round of backpedaling and denials regarding prior postures, which seem to have been “somewhat” different… according to time and place. This applies to all candidates; there has not been one who has not done it. And more than once… whether Republican or Democrat, this is an area where all can claim equality and shared goals. Going back about 8 or 9 presidents within my own memory banks, this “deniability” road has been extremely well traveled. In fact, this all encompassing little word probably has been informally written into the permanent dictionary of all higher public office dwellers. We could call it sort of a “Funk & Wagnall’s” of useful meaningless rhetoric for all public servants and, specially, presidential candidates. I’m sure it exists within the goodies all political speech writers must have ensconced somewhere.

Going on with the different issues gallivanting through my gray cells, there was this one about people. People who peopled (yeah, I know…) my life at some specific times and who, for one reason or another, left a mark. Not always a good one but, even in these instances, the good derived were the lessons learned, if not the process to attain this knowledge. Going through these somewhat circumstantial memories often takes more time than we are willing to accept or able to give, but they are a part of what we are today and an intrinsic component of the road that has brought us here. And 3 in the morning seems to be a good time to do it… and perhaps not.

Several years ago, as we started pursuing what would in short order become an all encompassing endeavor, one of the first people I came across was Alfredo. He was (hopefully still is, have not had news from him in more than 11 years) at the time of our first contact living in Argentina, having come from Uruguay originally. Eventually I came to understand he was a low level “facilitator”, which is a fancier way to say intermediary; his name was given to us through one of several contacts made after the original semi-structured transaction became a bust. On that one, the individual who was supposed to travel with me to Europe was detained and jailed while trying to leave his country, due to unpaid child support. Looking back from our today wiser, sadder and somewhat tested perch, there were many indications that should have told us most of those with whom we were dealing at that time were nothing but hopeful liars but, to our then unknowing-of-the-way-of-these-businesses selves, these signs went largely unnoticed.

Alfredo started to throw my way, over the phone, a number of what to me were then terms which meant nothing at the moment; he was, like many others along these roads, trying hard to impress as to how much he knew about “the business”, working his way into a trust status with us (me, especially, since I would be the one going to Europe, or not).  Many conversations ensued, backed up with conversations with other quarters, and it was eventually decided we would meet in Zurich, some 30 days later. He would go ahead with his “partner” (actually an older Argentinean businessman bankrolling his trip) in order to initiate and open several doors for me. We could say he was an instrumental part in our getting into this international financial structure, one which has claimed the lives of many (some of those whom I have known personally have been noted on these posts) and has destroyed the lives of many others. In reality, we could have said “no” and gone on with our own lives, in a more mundane sort of way. So, even though Alfredo was an influence, we were the ones who actually made the fateful decision to go forward on a road which is still ongoing, although heavily modified in context and structure.

Many thoughts go through the mind’s silver screen at these “wee” hours of the morning; while I do realize this is not conducive to being able to actually get to sleep, there is little I can do about the process. So many times and so many opportunities wasted along this road to just stop and get off but, the underlying commitment in my heart and mind to the eventual use of the funds which would be received, stops me from going that route; and the price paid along the way has been high and is not getting any lower…

Well, we are now into Monday morning and it is time to get this on the post, even if there is much more that could be written and, perhaps, will be as the days roll on…

Remember… a prayer for those who are fighting to conquer an illness…

Be Well… Be Back!!