Birthday Wishes…

Today (Monday 9/19 by the time you read...) is my birthday... Expressing a secret birthday wish is one custom taught us very early in our lives. Of course, during our childhood these wishes are fervently requested from the powers that be, as we close our eyes tightly in the hope of seeing our most secret desires granted, right before our newly reopened eyes.

Often I have wondered what would be found if I could go back to a journal and read a birthday wish list, starting at the earliest age remembered. As a child, there were times during which these wishes became a silent prayer, without really calling it such; after all, a birthday is meant to be a happy occasion, right?

From age two to about age five, the most important issue for me was to have the presence of my father at my side, during those special days. It is the question of a child who does not understand why such an important person is not there to share these milestones, to guide and watch as he grows into a “big boy”.  His having left at age two did leave a void, until my grandfather, with his constant attention, began to fill it up very lovingly.

After 5 and into the latter years of my first decade, my remembered wishes seemed to be fairly mundane… very run of the mill type… The well being of loved ones, getting better chances at winning swimming races (well, a little outside push would help, no?), having a good show by the Three Wise Men (We received our Christmas gifts during Epiphany, not on Christmas Eve) and wishing especially hard for that one item really, really wanted for the upcoming Christmas…

As my mother was coming closer to “nabbing” her second husband, I would then for a short and very selfish moment wish for my father’s return, not really understanding the dynamics of adult relationships (I’m not too sure I understand them today…) When this did not happen, and reality set in, my next wish was directed to having my mother’s second marriage be a long and happy one. That petition actually came through; that union lasted close to 40 years and brought me two brothers and several great nephews and nieces…

On my 12^th birthday, while being away at boarding school, my waking up wish was to have lunch in town with my grandfather and mother, whom I was sure would be coming. As the day wore on with no signs of their arrival, the wish was simply for them to show up. Then, when the day finally waned into early evening and the sun went down behind the tree line, I wished for my life to end because I was sure, nobody cared... Well, we can a bit overly dramatic as children…don’t mind me. But that birthday does not rate high on my list of celebrations…

Then, somehow, childhood ended without warning. By the time I turned 13, the new regime was in place and I had known of some friends my age or close to it who had disappeared; some had gone north to the US, others had gone away, taken by militia guards into a seeming black hole. My birthday wishes in those times revolved around the well being of myself, family and friends, especially those of whom we had had no news for sometime. I would like to say these wishes were answered but in most cases, those who had disappeared during those early and very chaotic years were never seen again.

My 15^th birthday was my last such celebration in Cuba. Of course, yours truly was not remotely aware of this reality. Somewhere along these posts that day has been put into words… I won’t do it again but it was a very special day; most of my secret wishes were delivered, including the visit of my girlfriend whose family, also unknown to her at the time, was readying their own departure. They actually left some 6 months before my sister and I did.  Finally, my most anticipated wish to drive/ride my cousin Pepe’s 1956 two tone Oldsmobile convertible (yes… the same Pepe who “lent” me the birthday suit) was made a reality.

On my 16^th birthday, first time away and with my birthday celebrated camp style with my Matecumbe friends, my only wish was to be able to see and be with my family again, perhaps to be able to somehow rescue those last few lost years of carefree childhood. That is a wish that every youngster who has been separated from his/her family in similar circumstances has in mind and heart, more often than he or she will readily acknowledge. The difficulty in accepting, much less understanding the why not of the probability of this wish being granted, grows heavier and heavier in the heart as days, then months and years go by. This takes the edge and luster away from these celebrations, no matter how hard your friends may try to override this feeling.

As the years have gone by, the wishes became centered around others. I have wished, very often, wellness and happiness for my children in their difficult moments, in their needs and wants; my blood family as it grew, sometimes from quarters not expected. People who came into my life and gave, often, much more than what they received in return.

As I became older and went through very difficult times myself, health and otherwise, my birthday wishes became prayers and supplications for the understanding and the strength to survive and to be able to go forward; also prayers for those families who have lost dear ones to battles with illness and in battles far away from home, trying to defend and preserve what is important to our society as a whole…

Today I wish for peace and understanding amongst mankind, to accept that we are all human beings and that we all have a right to be, to live, to fail and to triumph; the right to dream and to try to bring life to that dream. My heartfelt wish and prayer is for the dear friends who are fighting for their very survival from different illnesses and from difficult situations; it is also a prayer of thanks for my own health and the ability to continue on in my fight to make my own dream a reality.

Happy Birthday to you also if it indeed is… and even if it isn’t… Enjoy this special day.

Be Well, Be Back!!